19: The Subconscious Beliefs Sabotaging Your Weight Loss

If you’ve ever sworn you’d "start fresh" and eat clean on Monday, only to find yourself mindlessly snacking in the pantry by Wednesday, this episode will feel like pure relief.

Midlife weight isn’t just about hormones and metabolism - 90% of your behavior is on autopilot, driven by subconscious beliefs you didn’t choose.

Today, we’re diving into the surprising internal patterns that make weight loss feel harder in your 40s and 50s.  And how to shift them.

You'll discover in this episode: 

• Why midlife amplifies old subconscious programming and makes habits feel harder to change
• How the holidays and stress activate your nervous system and trigger overeating automatically
• The hidden identity stories that quietly sabotage your weight-loss efforts (even when you’re “doing everything right”)
• Why diet and exercise alone stop working in midlife, and what the subconscious has to do with it
• How to begin shifting these beliefs, so weight loss becomes easier, more sustainable, and less willpower-driven

If you want to find out how to shift or release the subconscious beliefs that are blocking you from your best body, join our next free Balanced Body Blueprint training here. 

And, if you want to skyrocket your energy, sleep soundly and drop a jeans size, grab our Breakfast Guide for Midlife Mornings here. 

References from this episode: 

Book: Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel

Find us on instagram:

Jen: @jenreimercoaching

Sheri: @sherijohnsoncoaching

Transcript

EP 20 the subconscious and weight gain

Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson):

I'm thinking about my days when I struggled to lose weight. And maybe you can relate to this.

Have you ever promised yourself that you'd start fresh on Monday, only to find yourself mindlessly snacking in the pantry by Wednesday?

Or maybe even if you're me, by the end of the day on Monday? You're not alone if you do that.

I've been there. And it also doesn't mean that you're undisciplined or lack willpower. Midlife can bring hormonal shifts, stress, other physiological changes that really cause the shape of our bodies to shift.

But the real battle is actually happening internally and not in the way that you think. Here's a good stat for you.

90%. of our behavior is automatic. We are on autopilot all day long and it's not a problem.

It's what your brain does to conserve energy. We're driven by subconscious beliefs, habits, habits even that we might have chosen in childhood.

So you can't expect to change your behavior around food without actually shifting those subconscious beliefs. So if you are someone who can't seem to lose the midlife belly or maybe you even feel like you're gaining weight, it's at least in part because your subconscious is running a program that you didn't choose.

In today's episode, we're going to dive into the real reason why midlife weight feels harder to lose than ever because of your subconscious beliefs and the emotional patterns that are driving your choices.

So some of the things we're going to talk about. Why Midlife Amplifies Old Subconscious Programming, How Holiday Stress Really Activates Your Nervous System, Some of the Hidden Identity Stories that Really Sabotage Your Weight Loss Efforts, Why Diet and Exercise Alone Stop Working in Midlife.

This is a key one. We talked a bit about this last week. We're going to expand on that today and also the exact shift that's going to create a quantum leap for you and your weight loss.

So this conversation is going to help you really understand why you get stuck and we're going to show you the missing pieces that really unlock lasting and peaceful even weight loss for you as a midlife woman.

So let's get into it. Hey. Can I tell a quick story before we dive into how subconscious beliefs keep us from losing weight?

Yeah. So, and I think you know this, and I've maybe talked about this before on the podcast, but I want to share it again because it was really a pivotal moment for me.

When I first started practicing as a holistic nutritionist, I saw a lot of different, I didn't focus in on women and hormones at first.

I saw a lot of different people, men, women, I saw some seniors, some younger people, and I started to notice that I could give everybody a nutrition plan.

Some people would implement it and some people wouldn't. And it really started to make me question, like, we don't learn about this stuff.

have there? So and I In nutrition school, we didn't learn like how to actually get people to follow the plan.

And so I really started to question that. And what I noticed was that it had a lot to do with beliefs they had about themselves, about their schedule, about their bodies.

And so I really started to realize that there was some subconscious programming. I wouldn't have called it that at the time.

This was like, I don't know, 12 years ago. And it wasn't, you know, at the time, I didn't really know how to unravel that.

But now, like 10, 12 years later, I'm really excited about this because you can really see such a difference in how people implement a physical plan for themselves exercise.

you. Thank diet changes, food-related behavior, when we look at their subconscious programming.

@39:09 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

You know what's interesting about that, Sheri, is that most people will tell you that it's about commitment.

@39:19 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. It's not about these other things. Yeah.

@39:22 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

It's about how committed you are and then how disciplined you are in following the thing and actually has nothing to do with that.

No.

@39:31 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I mean, I shouldn't say nothing.

@39:33 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

There's an amount of commitment that you have to make in order to decide to change your behavior. Sure. But that's only the first step.

There's so much more to it than that. Yeah. Yeah. So what were the kinds of things that you've noticed, not like that you came across over time that were subconscious patterns that needed to be shown?

@40:04 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Well, so some of them were, well, we're jumping ahead. Oh, sorry.

@40:10 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Doesn't matter.

@40:11 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I'm curious. For a lot of women, they were telling themselves some sort of story. Like they were, let's not, actually, Jen, let's back up a second.

@40:27 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Can we? Okay.

@40:28 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

To where you asked that question, because I really didn't, like, I really wanted you to answer those questions. Oh, okay.

What I really want to start with, Jen, is some of the ways that these subconscious beliefs manifest. So some of the things that I did and that I saw my clients do and, you know, heading into the holidays.

Yeah. Thank I'm already thinking about this because I'm going to a Christmas party already on Friday. I would go into the party thinking, okay, I'm prepared.

I had a salad. Like I had a healthy dinner. I had some protein. I'm not starving. And so I'm just going to go and have, you know, a few appetizers.

And then, you know, the night goes by and I've stuffed myself on top of having had dinner. And I get home and think, what the heck went wrong?

Like, where did I feel? Like I felt so out of control. And how does everybody else look like they can just have one appetizer and stop?

Even though I know that's not actually the case. I know. I always wondered that too.

@41:51 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Like, how do you, how are you not eating all of this great food? How come you have so much self-control and I don't?

@41:58 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. Yeah. And I know that that happens with like other people have said to me, well, you have so much self-control.

I'm like, what?

@42:07 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Really? So I know other people feel like that too.

@42:09 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Like they look at other people and think the same thing. You have to be watching that, how that person's eating all night.

Well, yeah, exactly. The other thing that I have done, and this is one that I don't know if other people do because I'm not around and they, and nobody has specifically said this to me, but if I'm the one who entertains, everybody leaves.

I've, I've eaten, you know, some of those appetizers and things myself, but then everybody leaves and I start picking away again, finishing off the plate or I don't know what it is.

It's, it's sort of, I've noticed it's a habit, but it's something that like suddenly I'm eating a whole bunch of.

A whole bunch more food after I've already, like I should be done. It's 10 o'clock or 11 o'clock at night and I'm cleaning up.

And why am I doing that?

@43:10 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

That is not about, that's not about the actual physical, the physicality of picking at the food after people are gone.

And it's not about willpower either. That is about your body or like your subconscious compelling you to eat.

@43:30 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Right.

@43:31 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And, and the reason, so to make that a bit more concrete, I, like you and I have struggled with our, we struggled with our weight all our lives.

We were always like 10, 15 pounds more over what we felt we should be or wanted to be.

@43:47 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. And, or more for me. Or more.

@43:51 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah, actually, I was even more at a few points in my life than that. And, um, throughout that whole period.

Thank you. We'll So now I don't struggle with my weight anymore. For the last 10 years, I have not.

And if I look at the before and after, the biggest thing that changed and that was the most freeing was that I no longer required willpower to stop eating.

@44:20 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yes.

@44:20 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So before I needed to force myself and I would find myself like at home, especially because I was single for that whole period, was I'd find myself at home when I lived alone, especially I'd finish dinner and I'd keep snacking on stuff.

I'd like grab a little bit of granola for something sweet. And then I'd grab something else and I'd like, I'd snack for, I'd be picking away at stuff for a while after dinner as an example.

And after, like when I dealt with all the subconscious stuff that was happening, that was keeping me compelled to gain.

Or to stay at that weight, I no longer needed willpower. I just like, I finished dinner and I'm just like, okay, I'm done.

I don't need it. Now that, here's why I know. So to turn it back or to bring it back into the holiday time, there's a lot of stuff that brings up subconscious fears and beliefs and stuff about ourselves during the holidays.

@45:27 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm.

@45:28 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So recently in the past year, I've noticed in myself, there are times when I feel compelled to keep eating, even though I'm finished eating and I'm not hungry anymore.

Yep. And it's because there's been a lot of subconscious stuff that's been coming up in the last year. I had to move by, like I separated from my husband.

I moved out on my own. I've moved house twice.

@45:57 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

There's a lot of stuff going on and that's when I've noticed.

@45:59 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And I've... So my weight has been fluctuating more this year. In fact, I weighed myself this morning after last week's podcast we were recording yesterday.

And I've gained a few. And I know it's because of these subconscious things. So we can get into those in a bit, but that's what it is.

Yeah.

@46:23 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I'm so curious to talk more about this because I've uncovered some of my own subconscious beliefs. But Jen, as you know, I still have some of these lingering.

So, you know, some of the other things, and maybe our listeners will relate to these ways that, you know, that these things are manifesting, especially during the holidays.

Something else that Mike and I will do is I'll make Christmas cookies, like make them early so that they're ready, put them in the freezer, and then like so that I won't touch them.

And then I find Myself, like, sneaking into the freezer all the time to grab a couple and eating them cold, even though that's not even how I really enjoy them from then.

Yeah, I've been there.

@47:10 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And then they're practically gone by the time Christmas gets here.

@47:13 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah, totally. So, yeah. So there's, you know, there's things that it really is about feeling this sort of compulsion to eat or mindlessly eat.

And then feeling shameful about it. Like, then I'm, you know, especially when it gets to be, like, when you start to judge yourself and perceive that this is bad behavior, and then you start doing it in secret because you don't want people to see you doing it, then you're feeling, like, then you know there's shame there.

That's why you're doing it in secret, and it makes it worse.

@47:59 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yes, yes, definitely. Definitely. Like eating anything that you're keeping secret is because of shame.

@48:04 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, okay. So these are some of the ways that these manifest. I'm sure there are like so many different things that we do that we don't want to do, that we find ourselves doing during the holidays, especially.

And last week we talked about some of the things that really helped to avoid the holiday five, but we didn't really get into the subconscious patterns that are really running the show.

Absolutely. this is, I think it is so key. And that's what I saw, like going back to my story in the beginning, what I saw in my clients was I could give them a perfect plan.

They could be committed and motivated and feel like they have a lot of willpower and then they come back two weeks later and say, yeah, I didn't do any of it.

Mm-hmm.

@49:01 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Mm-hmm. Because something was blocking them. I had to share that, like, I discovered this because, let me tell my story about how I lost the weight finally.

Because, and so it's not just that I think that subconscious patterns are beneath it. I know, like, it's, you have to deal with the subconscious or you won't lose the weight.

Like, healthy eating, of course, you have to eat healthy.

@49:27 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

That's the, like, you put, what you're putting into your body is the key.

@49:31 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

But what you put into your body is driven by what your subconscious is telling you to do. Right. So I struggled to gain weight all, or sorry, to lose the weight all my life.

And it was like up and down. And there were even some periods where I was sort of happy with my weight, but I never lost as much as I wanted.

And it suddenly, I did a few things accidentally when I was about 41.

@50:00 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm.

@50:02 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And the first is I started putting good things into my body. I started focusing on that and it was purely accidental.

Nobody told me to do it. I just started focusing on like, what good things can I eat for breakfast, good things I can eat for lunch.

And then by dinner, I'd want to eat good because I'd been good all day. And I sort of stopped feeling guilty for having a little treat after dinner.

@50:26 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm. Yep.

@50:29 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

But also because I had eaten well all day, like a good amount of fat, protein, vegetables, I wasn't craving carbs for dinner.

Yeah.

@50:41 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

So that was the first thing that I did.

@50:42 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

But then the other thing that I did is the weight started dropping off. That kickstarted it. I started to lose a little bit of weight.

But then the weight started falling off of me when I released certain subconscious patterns about, that I believed about.

my weight, about my body, about the way I moved in the world.

@51:05 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

That was when it started falling off.

@51:07 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Like I literally dropped, I think three sizes.

@51:10 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yep.

@51:13 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And stopped feeling all the guilt. I stopped feeling compelled. And like, it was one day I suddenly noticed it was like, Oh, I just had a cupcake in front of my two skinny friends and I didn't feel guilty about it.

Yeah.

@51:25 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And I didn't want, not even guilty.

@51:28 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I didn't feel like they were judging me. And also, I also just went, I've been leaving food on my plate without, I don't have to finish my meal anymore.

And I used to feel like, I used to feel like I had to finish my meal and I thought it was because I didn't like wasting food.

And I knew it was partially because my, we were told always to finish our plate. had to sit at the table.

So I knew there was a childhood pattern there too, but it was actually much deeper than that. And when I released all of those patterns, it fell off and I stayed that way.

@52:06 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what I wanted to say next. I think that is a level of freedom. Like I would describe that as freedom that so many women would like to feel.

To be able to just have the cookie, the cupcake, the chips, and not feel like, first of all, not feel like as soon as they start, they're going to get out of control.

Like once I start on the chips, I'm just going to end up eating the whole bag.

@52:48 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yes.

@52:49 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

But also the freedom of not feeling judged. And this is a whole other topic because you know when like they didn't change.

Your friends, like, you know what I mean? Like, you felt judged when you were maybe, in your opinion, overweight for eating the cookie, the whatever in front of them.

@53:15 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah.

@53:15 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

But those same two people, your two skinny friends, you eat the cookie in front of them a year later after you've dropped the weight and you no longer feel judged.

It's not because you lost the weight and it's not because they changed. Like, that's all an internal thing, that perception of judgment.

@53:35 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

You're judging yourself.

@53:36 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yep.

@53:38 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And you stopped doing that. Yeah, because you're the one that's telling yourself, now I'm being bad. Right.

@53:47 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Nobody else is. Well, maybe you're like fitness instructor is or you're your own nutritionist, which is not something I ever did.

@53:54 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Well, and there are people out there. There are people out there who judge overweight people.

@53:59 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Sure. So there could be, you know, there could be people out there judging, but you care so much that they're judging because you're judging yourself.

Well, and how do you know if they're judging you or not? Like, it's your own perception that they're judging you when they might not, like, maybe don't give a lick how heavy or light you are.

@54:20 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. So that, that perception of judgment is actually, like, I say that and compare you and the same two friends, suddenly you feel like they're not judging you anymore because you're not judging you anymore.

Yes, I'm not, yes, I wasn't judging my own body, exactly.

@54:41 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm, and it's not because you lost the weight either. It's because you changed your perception. Like, there are a lot of slim or strong or people who we would look at and say, well, that person has a quote-unquote perfect body and they're still judging themselves.

@55:00 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Mm-hmm.

@55:01 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

So it's not about your size or your shape. It's how you feel about it.

@55:11 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. And that's why, that's the part that's so hard for women is that they're like, well, how do I start, how do I stop caring or how do I stop hating my body, hating how fat I am?

Not everybody's fair words. Yeah. Like, how do I stop doing that before I actually lose the weight? I have to lose the weight first.

And it's so hard to understand that concept. And the problem is that it's your subconscious. It's not a conscious thing.

You can't think your way into loving your body before you lose the weight. Yeah.

@55:52 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

have to release the subconscious patterns first or beliefs about yourself. Yep. Exactly. Okay. So. Cool. Do you want to start talking about what those are, the subconscious patterns, subconscious beliefs?

@56:05 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. I think we should talk about some of ours first, because they're probably relatable.

@56:13 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm. Okay. What have you uncovered, Jen, as you went through your journey? Yeah.

@56:22 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So one of the biggest ones was, and it actually was an energy healer that helped me discover this. And now that's what I do, is I use energy and hypnosis to help women discover them for themselves.

So she helped me discover this, and it was that I had this anomaly in my body. I had a fear of starvation and a fear of wealth at the same time.

And it was creating this conflict inside my body.

@56:53 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Okay. Like fear of wealth and abundance, and food is abundant.

@56:56 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So starvation was showing up. The fear of starvation, o was showing up as, okay, I don't know when I'm next going to eat, so I'm going to eat extra now.

@57:07 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yep. I totally did that.

@57:09 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I remember that way back in high school before we were headed out to, like we used to downhill ski, and before we would head out to ski, I'd be like, ooh, I'm going to have extra breakfast today because I don't know when we're having lunch.

@57:21 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

So it was this fear that I was going to be unable to go without food.

@57:26 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And then the other way that that showed up was, especially at family dinners, like my ex's family, his dad would take us all out for dinner every once in while.

And we'd go to this tapas place, this Greek tapas place in Johannesburg. And so we'd order all these different tapas and I couldn't eat gluten.

So I'd say, well, can we order some French fries for me? And can we order like some gluten-free things for me?

And then I'd be afraid that everybody else was going to eat my stuff.

@58:00 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Oh, yeah. Yes. I can relate to that. Regardless of the gluten thing, I was still always like at those family meal kind of things.

@58:08 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I was always like, I hope those other people don't take too much because I need to have some left for me.

And this was not a conscious thought. This was like my subconscious fearing that there wasn't going to be enough food for me.

Yeah.

@58:25 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I can totally relate to that. And let me back it up too.

@58:29 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

It sounds weird that we have a fear of starvation in this day and age. So this is an evolutionary ancestral belief system.

So beliefs can be passed down. You can start believing something in this life because you've been taught through social conditioning, parents, authority figures.

You can also receive beliefs genetically.

@58:56 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yep. Tell our listeners more. Yeah.

@59:02 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So genetically, like if your mother believed, like, okay, in this case, actually, I discovered when I dug deep into this, our family, our ancestors, great grandparents went through a period where they almost starved.

@59:22 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm.

@59:25 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And that fear was passed down through eggs and sperm, like through genetics. get encoded into your genetics. It's part of the epigenics field of study.

They get coded in your DNA.

@59:40 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yep. We talked about this a couple of episodes ago with the rats that they exposed to. Okay, I'll really quickly tell this again.

The rats were exposed to a smell, innocuous smell, cherry blossoms, and were shocked at the same time, given an electric shock.

@1:00:00 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Given an electric shock.

@1:00:02 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And then, I lost my train of thought.

@1:00:10 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Then their babies, until they avoided the cherry blossoms altogether. They were shocked so many times that they avoided the cherry blossoms.

@1:00:21 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yep. And then they had babies.

@1:00:25 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Babies who had never been exposed to an electrical shock or cherry blossoms were exposed to the cherry blossoms and avoided them.

@1:00:34 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Even though they weren't shocked. Even though they weren't shocked and even though they never knew anything about cherry blossoms or electrical And it happened for several generations.

Like, not just the next generation, but like, it was passed down without ever being exposed to the shocks.

@1:00:51 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Exactly. That's how our societies learn.

@1:00:54 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Right.

@1:00:55 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And so, in this case, our ancestors are great grandparents. Parents who had almost starved had passed this belief, like I'm going to, we might starve down through basically like your eggs are in, our eggs are in, sorry, the egg that we were born from was in mom's womb when her mother was having these fearful thoughts.

So we, can be passed down in multiple ways. And then of course we were built in our mother's womb.

So anything she felt during that time also, when we, just to take that a step further, Jen.

@1:01:42 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

So an egg is in her mother's womb when her mother is in her grandmother's womb.

@1:01:51 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I know I was, I couldn't even explain that because like, it's like mind bending for me. Yeah.

@1:01:58 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Like a baby is growing in her mother's womb. And her eggs are also already developing. Right.

@1:02:07 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So her eggs, even though she isn't even born yet, are being affected by her grandmother.

@1:02:15 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. Yeah.

@1:02:17 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And so this starvation, subconscious fear of starvation had been passed on through generations.

@1:02:26 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm.

@1:02:27 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And then also, which I just realized now, in the womb, for us, when we were in the womb together, and mom didn't know she was having twins, her doctor put her on this ridiculously stringent diet.

Remember, she always talks about how her rings were falling off and she lost all this weight in her arms for like so skinny.

And so she was like starving when we were in her room, in her womb.

@1:02:57 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm.

@1:02:58 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So I never I haven't thought about that.

@1:03:02 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

So that fear of starvation, like I was born with a fear of starvation. Yeah.

@1:03:07 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So of course, when there's food around, I'm going to feel compelled to eat in case there isn't more food.

Yeah.

@1:03:21 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And how in the world, like there is no amount of dieting that I could have done to stop that.

@1:03:30 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

It's a compulsion.

@1:03:32 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

It's your subconscious is driving you.

@1:03:35 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

@1:03:37 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

That's so interesting. I actually didn't know that, Jen. I mean, I knew that mom was on that diet for like two months because they thought before ultrasounds, they thought she was just gaining weight way too fast.

And I remember that. I remember her telling us that. Yeah. I had never connected that she would feel like she was.

And we might also physiologically have also felt malnourished, like there was a lack of nutrients.

@1:04:09 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So we would have also possibly felt that we were starving. And so then also like this fear of wealth and abundance caused this constant conflict within me, wanting to eat more, wanting to eat less.

Because the fear of looking too wealthy or fear of looking too abundant shows up as I've eaten too much.

@1:04:31 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Right. Like in our society, it's different today.

@1:04:35 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

But as we evolved, like if you imagine a tribe back in caveman days, cave person days, if there was a fat person, they were- The person was taking up too many resources.

Yeah. And so I had this, like, I didn't want to take up too many resources. I don't want to be-

I don't want to waste food. I don't want to look like I'm wealthy, or I didn't want to look like I was wealthy.

And that also comes down to our ancestors. They were very wealthy in Russia and were part of the Bolshevik Revolution when the peasants were uprising against the rich people, and the rich people were literally being killed for being wealthy.

So this constant subconscious conflict within my body was creating a very warped sense of food or sense of like relationship with food for me.

@1:05:39 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah, Jen, you know, you've told me, like we've talked about a lot of this before, but I'm actually even having my own ahas over here.

@1:05:47 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Like I didn't realize the depth of that. It's fascinating.

@1:05:53 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And that could actually open up some things for me. So thank you.

@1:05:58 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So That was our own. And then you discovered one at one point, too, for yourself. What did I say?

Okay, I'll say it, Jer. So we were always the smallest in the class at school, and everyone was always commenting on it.

Like, everyone was commenting, like, Jen and Cher, oh, they're so cute, these little twins, they're always the smallest in class.

@1:06:20 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And I hated being the smallest in the class. Yep. Yeah, that definitely. So I realized that this was, like, I was using my body as a way to take up more space in the world.

So, and it wasn't just my weight, like I was, I was taking up more, I was subconsciously putting on weight to be able to take up more space.

But I also did it by wearing high heel shoes, because I wanted to add more height. And, like, there were other ways that I was doing this to, to create.

more of a presence for myself. And this actually came up recently, Jen, when I, so a year ago, when I got so sick, and lost probably close, like probably 12, 13 pounds, which is a lot on our small frames.

Yeah.

@1:07:21 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And it came up again.

@1:07:24 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Like I had these feelings. up again? Like this feeling that I'm so small.

@1:07:29 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Oh, yes. Yeah.

@1:07:32 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

suddenly I was like walking into, I had to get new clothes because I dropped, I think, I don't know, I dropped at least two sizes.

So none of my clothes fit anymore. And walking into stores and they didn't have clothes small enough for me.

@1:07:49 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Oh, that's happened to me too. I had a double zero on it at American Eagle Outfitters. I was like, who?

Who? Like if I can't, and we're not that tiny. There's definitely like People who are smaller than us, like women, grown women.

@1:08:04 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And we're not a double, like I'm not a double zero.

@1:08:07 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

That's just getting ridiculous. But I mean, that was partially their sizing, but yeah. Well, except that I was.

@1:08:13 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Like I was a zero or a double zero when I walked into the, this store had those, this was a more of a boutique store.

So it wasn't the lower end, you know, where they tend to shift the sizing.

@1:08:28 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. So, and I had these So we feel good about ourselves.

@1:08:33 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. Well, yeah. Except that I started to feel bad about myself. It was a very strange moment when I was like, this is, I'm so uncomfortable right now being this small.

Like on the one hand, I was like, wow, it's so nice to walk into a store and actually have like so many, I can try on so many pairs of jeans and actually like them all when it used to be.

Like okay. I'd try on a hundred pairs of jeans and I'd find one that sort of fit the bill.

I remember those days But feel like it was great. Like it was either a bit too big on the waist or it was a bit too big on the hips or it was like somewhere it didn't quite fit great or look great in my eyes.

And that part felt like freedom. was like, oh, I can walk into a store and things fit on the waist and the hips and the thighs.

And so that was nice. But then on the other hand, had this internal, like, I don't know what to call it, like this ping that was like, this is too small.

Like you're too small now. Like you're not going to be, you're that small little twin girl again.

@1:09:48 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And that's going, that subconscious pattern, it's a program that's running in the background, like white noise, is going to cause you to gain weight without, no matter how much you diet.

you're Because there's always this compulsion. So you fall off the wagon and you get back on and stuff like that.

So that will sabotage you. Yeah. And you and I have talked about this.

@1:10:11 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I want some Theta Healing and hypnosis. Because all that weight that I lost when I was sick, it has slowed over the past year.

Like kind of a steady pound a month has come back on. And I didn't – I mean, I lost the weight because I was sick.

But I also – it wasn't that I wasn't eating anything. Something else shifted. And now it's shifted back. And I don't like it.

I mean, I still feel like I'm not – you know, I don't feel like I used to about my body.

Mm-hmm.

@1:10:57 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

But I have this view.

@1:10:59 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. That, oh, we're back here again in this body that I had a year ago that I had actually, I don't know, I had actually liked having lost the weight.

@1:11:13 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And now it's like a battle, like your body, your internal subconscious wants you to be bigger, but it doesn't want you to be bigger.

And that's exactly what happens when our weight is fluctuating too. And so for you, there's also this thing, and I can say this because I know you so well, and what we experienced in childhood was our mother and their culture telling us that we didn't have an opinion.

So part of it was she didn't listen. I never felt she listened to us. She'd ask a question and then turn around and not listen for the answer.

How would that relate to weight? It's telling, so in, in your situation, and then the other thing is like, children are supposed to be quiet.

@1:11:59 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So you don't get a voice.

@1:12:02 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

to take up space.

@1:12:03 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

We're not supposed to take up space.

@1:12:05 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

We're not supposed to have an opinion or a voice. And she made a lot of our decisions for us.

So I wasn't supposed to have an opinion because I'd get shouted at if I was voicing my opinion too much.

And so internally, that creates a fight. You've got your mother figure telling and cultural conditioning that's telling you to get smaller.

@1:12:31 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Right. But it's also, but at the same time, you've got this like, oh, she's the smallest in the class.

@1:12:36 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

There's another side of you that's going, well, I need to be bigger to have a voice and an opinion.

Right. If I was just bigger and then I could stand up for myself and then I would have an opinion that was worthy.

@1:12:51 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm.

@1:12:52 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And so that those, it's like all of these mixed messages. Yeah. That we get a. As children, our little tiny brains don't know how to process that.

So we choose beliefs about ourselves, about what we're worth in the world that don't serve us in adulthood. Yeah.

@1:13:15 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah, and that really brings that full circle to what's happening physiologically. Because when you have conflict in your body, when you have these mixed messages, and your subconscious is like, no, we need to do this.

No, we need to do this. No, we need to think this. Then that conflict causes cortisol to rise. Exactly.

so then your cortisol goes, all right, if you have too much cortisol, then you're going to pack on the weight, especially around the belly.

@1:13:50 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yes, because that's exactly what cortisol does. So you get caught in this trap of you're having all this resistance in your body.

@1:13:58 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And by the way, that's what-

@1:14:00 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

It so freeing. It's not just that I've lost all this weight that I feel free. It's that I can stop having all this resistance.

@1:14:06 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Like, oh, I shouldn't have that. Oh, that's bad.

@1:14:08 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I should eat this. That you don't even know what you want anymore because there's so many shoulds coming at you from all this mixed messaging from your childhood.

So that causes all this resistance in cortisol. It imbalances, like your nervous system is imbalanced or dysregulated, whatever term you want to use, creating cortisol.

And then cortisol tells your body to hang on to fat. Yeah. And then that fat becomes, because now we don't have estrogen in our body to buffer the cortisol.

@1:14:44 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Right. Cortisol is what creates the fat around the middle in particular, not just general weight gain.

@1:14:50 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

It does too, but it tells you to hold onto it around the middle.

@1:14:56 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah.

@1:14:57 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And that's why, because in, and that's why it becomes. So exacerbated in midlife because you don't have the estrogen to regulate the whole physiological piece of it that happens because of your subconscious beliefs.

@1:15:16 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yep. I hope our listeners are finding this as fascinating as I do. I just think it's so – like when you draw the link between like what is going on in our minds and our bodies and this like all this tension that we feel, like how many women feel that all the time?

Like you put food in front of them and there's – right away there's a conflict.

@1:15:39 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

There's tension.

@1:15:40 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

There's I shouldn't be eating this or this isn't – or I should be eating this but it's not really what I really want.

Like it's a solid and I don't really want a solid right now. Like it would be so liberating for so many women to just not.

I feel that way.

@1:16:02 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. And it gets, it gets embarrassing too, almost like I felt like when I first met my husband and we would go out for dinner, he would, he would kind of like, he'd be like, why does it take you so long to make a decision about a minute on a menu?

@1:16:20 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Because what he does is he reads the menu only to the point where he sees something that he wants.

@1:16:25 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And then he closes it.

@1:16:25 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

He doesn't even look at the rest of the menu. I find that so like, that is, that's wild to me.

I have to read the That was fascinating.

@1:16:35 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah.

@1:16:36 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I've got to read the whole menu. And then I look for all the things that are healthy in my mind, because I'd like to eat healthy if I can, but then I'm distracted by all the things that are, that I really want or that sound good, even though they're like really rich or, or whatever.

I know I'm not going to feel good after I eat them. And then I've got another layer of like, Ooh, but that looks really expensive.

And maybe I shouldn't order the most expensive menu. So it's a constant like, oh, what should I get? I'm going to get this.

No, I'm going to – no, I think I'm get that. And it's – I've definitely shifted a lot of this.

@1:17:17 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

But yes, my husband does the same thing.

@1:17:19 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

He gets exacerbated because it takes me so long to make a decision at a restaurant. And then I have meal envy at the end of it for whatever Yeah, and then you're afraid of meal – so then you start asking everybody else.

@1:17:29 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

It's they're having or like – or it's because you don't know what you really want anymore or you won't – or you refuse to acknowledge what you really want.

And you're so busy depriving yourself that like – that it's this horrible decision that shouldn't be a difficult decision.

Yeah. And it is freeing when you start to just look at a menu and go, this is what I want.

This is what I'm having today.

@1:17:57 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Oh my gosh, yeah. It's so – it takes – So much energy to debate with yourself.

@1:18:03 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Oh, I know. And then midlife women wonder why they're so tired all the time, even when they get eight hours of sleep.

It's because of this inner conflict that's constantly happening that we don't even, sometimes we realize it, some of it we realize it.

And there's a whole other piece that just- Yeah.

@1:18:21 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And it extends well beyond food. Like it's standing in front of the closet in the morning going, what should I wear?

This doesn't look good on me. Those jeans are too tight. These pants look too casual. It follows you around all day long making decisions, trying to make decisions, yeah.

Yeah.

@1:18:42 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Okay.

@1:18:43 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

So should we talk about some of the other beliefs that might be like something that we haven't necessarily experienced ourselves?

Yeah. I've got a- to give a few- Yeah.

@1:18:55 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I've got a bit of a list here, Jen.

@1:18:58 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Fear of attention. attention. That is one thing that can come up. And I think we talked about this before that that that came up for both of us as well.

Like, I didn't like what will people think if I lose a whole bunch of weight or if I get for me, it was actually about getting strong.

Like when I started lifting weights, and somebody commented on how strong I was, and I was like, Oh, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.

Like, I don't want to be one of those ladies.

@1:19:26 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I'd rather be like, skinny, not there's a judgment around. Yeah.

@1:19:31 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. Yeah. We don't want to be the center of attention.

@1:19:36 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

The fear of failing, like, we don't even sometimes start. And you and I don't believe in diets anymore anyway.

But if you're afraid of failing because you don't want to disappoint yourself again, or that can be one. But I think like some of those, and some of those people might know.

@1:19:59 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Well, let's have a

@1:20:01 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Some of the things that I've thought about and that I've encountered with people is if you can take on an identity.

So if you've been overweight all your life, you might have an identity as I'm the fat person.

@1:20:29 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Or I'm just the, like, I've just always struggled with my weight. It's not my, like, there's almost a resignation there.

We talked a bit about that last week. Like, resigning yourself to, I'm just someone who struggles with her weight and that's just, like, I was born that way.

@1:20:49 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. I'm just the person that struggles with my weight. And so you can take on those kinds of identities that, without really realizing it, like that is.

I'm the person that struggles with their weight.

@1:21:02 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I struggle with my weight. That isn't even just a belief anymore.

@1:21:07 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

That has become you are identifying as a person who struggles with their weight. And then our ego likes to hang on to identities because if we don't have that identity, then who are we?

@1:21:20 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Right.

@1:21:21 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And that might not make sense to some listeners, but that is what our ego does. And so if suddenly you're not a person who's struggling with your weight, then how do you identify with your body?

@1:21:37 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Who am I now?

@1:21:39 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And we have tons of these identities. We do.

@1:21:44 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

stop you from losing weight or that will stop you from changing your behavior in any way. Yep. You know, I'm a busy mom.

@1:21:52 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

We've talked about. If suddenly you're not a busy mom, then who are you? Mm-hmm.

@1:22:00 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Because you're known as the mom who does all the stuff. Yep. Especially if we over-identify with one of those identities, that's when it becomes a problem.

Like, we all have identities. I'm a daughter. I'm a sister. Yeah, I'm a dog lover. Like, I have lots of identities.

And it's when we over-identify with, like, for example, the slim woman. And if you over-identify with that identity and have an idea of what that means for you, and you strive for that, and you, like, you will begin to feel like you don't have value or you're not good enough until you are that identity.

@1:22:56 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Mm-hmm. Or if you've been the slim woman. All your life, and you identify as a slim woman, and suddenly your weight is changing in midlife, and there's a bit of weight around your middle, and you always prided yourself on your flat tummy.

This can be very stressful for you because you've always been known for your body or your looks, and suddenly your look, I mean, just aging in general.

Suddenly your looks aren't what they used to be, and our society values youthfulness and slimness. If you were that, and now you're not becoming that as society just defines it, that's very scary, and your body will release cortisol, and that just makes it worse.

@1:23:45 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Right. Exactly. We talked about the cortisol thing before. Right.

@1:23:50 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah.

@1:23:52 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

So let's run through a few others, and then we'll start wrapping this up, Jen.

@1:23:58 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Some of the other things that you...

@1:24:00 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

and were talking about earlier are changing family dynamics. So how are you going to be perceived by your family members if you lose weight?

If you have a partner who also wants to lose weight or you have a friend, this might extend beyond family.

If you know someone close to you who's also trying to lose weight and then you lose the weight and they don't, there can be guilt around that.

I'm going to make them feel uncomfortable. So, you know, when you, it's kind of like when I first, Sheri, when I first started losing all that weight and I had friends who I knew had been struggling to lose weight and they said, wow, you've lost a lot of weight, Jen.

@1:24:46 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I felt like they were envious of me. And then I felt kind of icky about it. And they might not have been envying me at all.

I have no idea, but that was what I felt.

@1:24:57 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. It's a, we have so many internal Perceptions about what people think and do and feel that we have no idea if they're actually true.

Yeah.

@1:25:08 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Okay, Sheri, before we close this, I want to talk about some of the emotional associations. And these are probably more top of mind for people, but there's some deeper potential ahas when I talk about this emotional association.

Yep. So a lot of, it's topical out there right now that food is, can be, food is like some of us see food as a reward for one thing.

I can have the chocolate if I'm good all day, that kind of stuff. Or if I've worked hard enough, I get a treat if I'm whatever.

And then there's this thing around food being a substitute for love.

@1:25:53 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. And I want to describe that because it's not described very often.

@1:25:57 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And I've, I learned this. In the book called Mother Hunger, but I want to get the author's name because I actually forget her name.

@1:26:08 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Kelly. We'll link this up in the show notes. It's a fascinating book.

@1:26:17 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I haven't read all of it.

@1:26:19 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Kelly McDaniel. It's Kelly McDaniel.

@1:26:22 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

The way she describes it is that food, when you're an infant, food and nurturing tend to come together. If you're breastfed, you're cuddled, you're nurtured.

Actually, she doesn't even like calling it breastfeeding because she calls it nursing because nursing has more of a nurturing.

Nurturing comes from the word nurturing because that's what we're doing when we are breastfeeding our babies. So an infant who is not...

Nurtured, but still gets food. Like they've been kept alive.

@1:27:04 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Right.

@1:27:05 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So we have pictures of ourselves having a bottle in our chair things. Like when we were infants in the, like lying down with a bottle that was in a plastic holder above us.

@1:27:19 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah.

@1:27:19 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So I don't know how often mom actually fed us in her arms and how often we were actually just being fed by a plastic bottle that was attached to our crib thing.

But, and.

@1:27:34 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

not.

@1:27:35 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Can I just stop for a second?

@1:27:37 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Because I need to qualify that because we were 70s babies. Most women, like this is when, this was the craze when Nestle was out there.

Like all these companies were out there talking about how, how formula is better.

@1:27:54 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Was better.

@1:27:55 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. So this was like, again, we. We've said this on the podcast before, but if you've not listened to the podcast before, this is not a knock against the mothers who were having babies in the 70s, like our mom.

That was normal. Yes.

@1:28:18 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Well, it was normal to be formula fed, and we were twins, and mom was going crazy trying to manage twins.

Right. So there's no knock on mom. And the other thing that Kelly McDaniel talks about in her book is that mothers who don't nurture, they don't do it because they didn't learn how to nurture.

They didn't get the nurture themselves.

@1:28:43 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

it's been passed down.

@1:28:44 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So if you weren't nurtured yourself, you don't even know how to nurture your own baby. So there's no fault here.

But that's what it is, is if you got food without enough nurture. Without the nurturing that you wanted or needed as an infant, you start to associate the food with nurturing, right?

So it starts, your relationship with food as a substitute for love or for nurturing starts as an infant, can start as an infant.

Yeah.

@1:29:21 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I think a lot of women would actually relate to that because they know that they're using food to self-soothe.

@1:29:32 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And that's what we do. Babies are hardwired for connection. And if we don't get enough connection, we don't feel safe.

@1:29:41 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Right.

@1:29:43 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And that's what a mother's body is to us when we are first born. The nurturing plus food equals safety.

@1:29:54 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yep.

@1:29:55 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

If you only get the food and not enough nurturing when you... First of all, you start to associate food with safety, not just love, but safety.

And then if you don't have food or nurturing, your body is releasing cortisol. So your nervous system gets wired for protection, not wired for connection.

And if your nervous system is wired for protection, you are going to eat. Yep.

@1:30:25 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And how many, like, when I think about all the women who are now in their 50s, born in the 70s, and were not nursed, they were given formula, bottle fed.

Like, how many of us are walking around with that feeling of needing food for protection versus nourishment? Yeah.

@1:30:52 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Well, bottle feeding also isn't bad if it comes with nurturing. So we're not also, we're not knocking bottle feed.

Because sometimes that's what women have to do. So there's no judgment here in this conversation. But the point is that this creates a subconscious, it creates a nervous system imbalance from when you're a baby.

And she says that 50% of people are walking around with this, she calls it, well, in psychology it's called attachment, insecure attachment.

And she says that, I think it's 50% of the population is walking around like that with insecure attachment. And that is going to cause all sorts of food issues.

But it also, for midlife women, so this is the last thing I want to say, is for midlife women, that not getting enough nurturing or insecure attachment causes your nervous system to be in protection mode, which means your cortisol is going to spike much more easily than the woman who is securely addicted.

Right. And we know that cortisol is what disrupts, like it overrules estrogen. When your estrogen is starting to decline, it disrupts all your sleep.

It disrupts your insulin balance so that you want to eat more and then you gain the weight. So all of this is like a perfect storm.

@1:32:22 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. Yeah. That is so fascinating. And I have to, I really want to pick up that book again. I read the first little bit of it.

And then I think I must have got distracted with the other like six books that I'm always have on the go.

Yeah. Because that really is like, yeah, it's so fascinating. Okay. So anything else you want to say on that?

The emotional, the emotional associations, Jen?

@1:32:57 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

No, I, well, the only other thing I want to say. is that there are millions and they're all unique to each person.

These subconscious patterns, some of them might resonate. There's some common ones, but there are also very unique situational, emotional attachments and beliefs that each person will hold on to.

Not everyone holds on to these, but that can be discovered. So we're only, we're like scratching the surface here about what we're talking about.

And in our program, we get in too much deeper subconscious patterns. I actually use my hypnosis process to help release them.

@1:33:41 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Like there's so much more is all I wanted to say.

@1:33:44 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah.

@1:33:46 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And, you know, just to take that a step further, this is, I mean, we're talking about this because we see this as a, the missing link in midlife weight loss in, in a lot of actually.

A lot of our different behaviors, but, you know, today we're talking about weight loss and midlife in particular because we all, like, it's known, the midlife belly fat.

It's like it's become a norm, and yet it doesn't have to be. It's all this, you know, it's what we're not, it's what the weight loss industry is not talking about that is really going to move the needle.

@1:34:28 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah, and the weight loss industry and, or like fitness industry, maybe it's called now, is, talks about mindset shifts.

Yeah, they, you know, but that's just reframing things. That's like saying, I don't what's an example of just a reframe, Sheri, because this goes so much deeper than just a reframe.

Yeah, like reframing, reframing, an example of reframing is changing it, changing your, your view of eating. Healthy from, I'm going to cut out all these things to, I'm going to add all these things, all these good things.

I'm going to cut out all these bad things, reframe that as, I'm going to add all these good things.

That's a reframe. And that's great.

@1:35:15 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Like that's, that's helpful.

@1:35:16 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

yeah. It's helpful. But that's, that's mindset coaching, right? This is much different. It's deeper.

@1:35:25 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I mean, we do, we get into the mindset coaching too, but the, the adding that mindset reframe isn't going to work.

If you've got a subconscious belief that prevents you from sticking to that or, or adding the, you know, it won't stick, I guess is my point.

fall up.

@1:35:53 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah.

@1:35:53 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

You fall back off the wagon. Yeah. It requires willpower.

@1:35:58 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah.

@1:36:00 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Okay, so let's wrap this up. So all that to say, that was a long one, we're scratching the surface.

And it was long. And we're still only scratching the surface. So if you want to know more, we've got a mini workshop coming up.

Check the show notes for the link to that because we have them on a regular basis. So check the show notes for the link to find out when the next one is.

And we would love to see you there. That's where we're going to share our exact formula for first becoming aware of your own subconscious beliefs, and then rewiring them, and then also embodying them.

@1:36:44 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So we're going to share our framework.

@1:36:47 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And if you found this helpful, share it with a friend who you know has been also struggling with the midlife weight gain or the belly fat.

That's how the word word That's Gets out. That's how we become widely spread. Let me say that again. That's how the word about our podcast gets out.

So we would greatly appreciate it if you shared it with someone who also is struggling with their midlife weight.

Come back next week for another episode and we'll see you then.