26: The Hidden Addiction Behind Midlife Burnout

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If you can’t slow down...if rest feels uncomfortable…or if you’re always “on the go” even when you’re exhausted...then this episode was made for you.

In this episode we unpack “Keep Moving”, one of the six subconscious midlife coping strategies many women develop to stay safe, productive, and valued.  And we'll break down how it's actually an addiction that fuels burnout, emotional numbness, and disconnection from yourself.

This pattern often shows up in midlife, especially during perimenopause and menopause, when your nervous system is already under pressure and your old strategies stop working.

In this episode, we explore:

• What the Keep Moving coping strategy really is (and why it’s not “just being busy”)
• Why slowing down can feel unsafe, even when you desperately need R&R
• The connection between busyness, self-worth, and workaholism
• How “productivity = value” gets wired into women from a young age
• How this pattern shows up at work, at home, and in relationships
• Why midlife is often the moment this strategy starts to fall apart, and why that’s a gift

You might recognize yourself here if:

• You feel uncomfortable sitting still or doing “nothing”
• Rest feels like something you have to earn
• Your mind constantly replays conversations or runs future to-do lists
• You’re successful and capable, but still feel like it's never enough
• You’re exhausted but don’t know how to stop

This episode is especially powerful for women who are:

• In midlife, perimenopause, or menopause
• Experiencing burnout, chronic busyness, or overwhelm
• Questioning their relationship with work, productivity, and rest
• Ready to rebuild self-worth from the inside out

Want to go deeper?  There are six midlife coping strategies, and Keep Moving is just one of them.
You can discover your primary coping strategy, and how to begin releasing it, by taking our free, 2-minute quiz.

👉 Take the Midlife Coping Strategies Quiz and find out which one is costing you the most!
 

Join us in Costa Rica, October 2026 for our Retreat: Soul-Aligned - Design Your Extraordinary Next Chapter! Click here for details.

Find us on instagram:

 @midlifewomenrising

@jenreimercoaching

Transcript

 Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Happy New Year. This is our first recording in the new year. Yeah.

@5:47 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

How are you? Good.

@5:49 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I think it feels good, actually. I had enough of a break this year to really feel refreshed and excited to get back into the studio.

And back on our group calls and in front of clients. And I'm feeling really good. How are you?

@6:11 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Not quite the same. But I had a very different, I had a very different Christmas break than you did.

Yeah. So, yeah, first time in two different houses. Christmas break is always different when you have kids at home than it is when you don't.

Yeah.

@6:34 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

But that said, I was very excited to come back to this work.

@6:38 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And actually, and today, maybe we can share one of our processes that we do to sort of change gears, because I'm feeling like I've been kind of running around all day.

And I was actually with a lot of children today in the mud and stuff. So I'm feeling like quite nice.

on in direction.

@7:00 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Chaotic.

@7:01 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So maybe we can stop and take a breath and just share this process with our listeners too. Yeah.

@7:13 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah, for sure. I'm coming off a client call and it was a long one. And I also feel like even just in between calls with different people or moving from one activity to another, I feel like to be intentional about switching gears can be really helpful.

So why don't you walk us through it, Jen?

@7:36 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah, actually, and it's very topical because we're talking about one of the behavioral patterns today, the coping strategies that keeps us moving constantly.

So one of the things that both of us try to do is to actually stop moving in between meetings so that we can regroup and think straight.

So yeah, so just. And close your eyes. I'm going to close my eyes for a second. Put your feet on the ground and maybe a hand on your heart if that feels good.

And take a deep breath in. And let that air out. Do that again. Take a deep, wide breath in.

And maybe you can even open your mouth and breathe that air out. And one last time. Breathing in to the very top of your lungs.

So it's your biggest and widest breath yet. And open your mouth and breathe the air. you. Bye. Bye. Thank

Out with a sigh, maybe. And opening your eyes when you're ready, being present to the room you're in. And I feel better already.

@9:17 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yep. All it takes is three breaths. And what, a minute? Like maybe not even a minute? 30 seconds? And it feels so much better to just be present.

It's hard to come into a new meeting without thinking about the last one.

@9:40 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah, you bring all that to the new meeting. Yeah, I was still thinking about the children and all the other stuff that I've been doing all day long because it's late in the day.

@9:51 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And not even, Jen, like not even just the, like thinking about what was happening in the last meeting. Thank you.

you. But bringing the energy of it. So imagine, you know, you're in a meeting that was particularly frustrating or maybe some anger, like some of those negative emotions came up and then you're heading into a new meeting.

How often do we do this? You know, you bring the emotions, the energy of the last meeting into the next one to with people who have no idea where you're coming from.

And we probably do this a lot, you know, coming home from work or just even switching gear from work to home and suddenly your spouse or your kids or the dog is getting the brunt of whatever it is that you've experienced in your last meeting or during the day.

And it can be really freeing to just take that breath, become present and intentionally come into your next. whatever it is, task, meeting, project, with a clear mind and clear energy.

And, you know, how do I want to show up for this meeting?

@11:13 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. It gives you a totally different everything, perspective, everything.

@11:18 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And it's not to forget what happened before.

@11:21 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

It's just to let it go and not allow it to continue affecting you.

@11:27 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. And maybe you pick it back up. Like maybe you need to revisit that event or work through something or whatever later.

But set it aside, you know, it goes in the parking lot and let's focus on this meeting or this task or this project or this person that is sitting in front of me having coffee or whatever.

@11:50 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Without the effects of that. So I can focus on you now.

@11:58 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Likewise. So... So... That's a great segue to our topic for today, which is, you already mentioned it, it's the coping strategy that we call Keep Moving.

@12:09 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah.

@12:10 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And it's something that keeps us busy and moving. Yeah, and it's so much more than that.

@12:20 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

It's such a multifaceted coping strategy.

@12:27 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

So why don't you, yeah, explain, Jen, what does this one look like? What is this one all about?

@12:36 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So hopefully, our listener, you have heard about the other five coping strategies that we have talked about before on this podcast.

But quick synopsis, Keep Moving is one of six what we call midlife coping strategies. It's a way that you have learned from childhood to keep yourself safe in this world.

So it is a way that you operate and it is driven by your subconscious. You are probably maybe aware of it, maybe even aware of some of the things that cause it, and maybe not aware of the root cause of it.

So let me get in, let me answer your question. What does it look like? So this is a behavioral strategy that keeps you moving all the time.

So it is, it feels like you're on autopilot, might feel like you are like going through the motions, like you're just kind of going from one thing to the next, running around, maybe like a chicken with its head cut off, so to speak.

From one thing to the next without really thinking about it.

@13:49 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And there's more than that. Can to that, Jen? Yeah.

@13:52 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

There's a lot more to it, but I was going to stop there for just a second to just let that sink in.

It's not just, it's being busy all the time. It's about busyness and moving, but not always, it's not always busyness the way that you think of it.

Like I'm, I'm going explain that.

@14:20 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I think it's sometimes not like it's, it's, you can't necessarily sit still. So it's, you know, maybe your conscious mind would like to take a break and sit down, but as soon as you do, you're like, oh no, I got to get up and I forgot.

I've got to go get, I've got to wash the dishes or, oh, but I've got to go just finish this one thing at my desk.

Or, you know, it's your, your nervous system is preventing you from sitting still and also even when you are sitting still.

So the thing that I hear. A lot from clients, friends, followers, even if they force themselves to sit still, then their mind is moving.

Their mind is like ruminating. It's running over the list of things to do. It's like it can't focus or can't calm down.

@15:21 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. And it's actually, that's one of the things that we've also heard is that our clients don't want to sit still because they don't want to listen to their mind running and ruminating and spinning.

Because usually when our minds are running and ruminating and spinning, it's not about good stuff. It's wishing something was different, wishing we could go back in time to say something differently, do something differently.

It's thinking about the future, worrying, problem solving.

@15:55 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Thinking about what you would say to someone. Mm-hmm.

@15:59 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Like I do.

@16:00 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I was doing this a couple of times this morning, actually, like thinking about – was – something really – I saw something on – it was a short on YouTube and a whole bunch of comments, and it really upset me, the kinds of comments that I was seeing.

And I was like – it got into my head. It's a video I saw yesterday, and this morning I was thinking about, what would I write?

Like, how could those people think that? And, like, it just – it was something that really bothered me.

@16:33 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Even though you weren't necessarily planning to write something?

@16:36 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

No, not at all.

@16:39 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I didn't.

@16:40 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I didn't comment at all. I was just like, wow, what are – like, what is going on with these people?

What's going on with the world? What would I say? Like, if I commented, what would I say? I really want to tell them.

Like, I was really – it just really angered me. So then I'm running a movie in my head. About what I would say, right?

@17:03 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. So that's your mind moving.

@17:06 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

It's, it's, yeah.

@17:07 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So what we hear is like, I feel fidgety or what sometimes happens to me is I sit down and I just want to veg in front of the TV and I keep getting up, not even to, not even to do something productive, but I keep getting up.

So I got to get a drink. Oh, now I want a piece of chocolate. And now I'm going to grab a magazine so that I can do two things at once or, um, the laundry, grab my phone.

Laundry used to be it, but now it's, it's like other less productive things. Cause I've, I've worked through some of the, I need to be productive all the time, which is a driver of this as well.

So, um, and we'll get into drivers in a second, but, um, so it, it looks and feels like I'm always too busy.

I'm never enough. I never have enough time. And I also can't rest. I don't like stillness. I can't sit still.

I feel fidgety. And yeah, so just to sum it up. And also, what was that last one? My mind won't stop.

That's what it looks like. So what is it? Is that where you want to go next, Sheri? Yeah.

@18:22 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

What are the drivers? Well, you just talked to the drivers behind it. What causes this?

@18:30 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So on the surface, it is, and this is what usually women know this part. I need to prove my value by being busy or by swooping in and saving the day or by being productive all the time.

So the more chores I get done, the more I get done at work, the more valuable I am. So I need to prove my value is one of the drivers of this.

The second one is is one is is Thank And I don't want to be with myself. So keep moving is a numbing strategy.

It's an addiction, just like any other addiction. It stops you from feeling what we call negative emotions, even though they're not negative, they're just emotions.

Uncomfortable emotions like anger, shame, rage, grief, all those things. Like when people are grieving, it's often, people are told like, oh, just keep busy and keep your mind off it.

@19:32 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah.

@19:33 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And we know that doesn't work because then when you lie in bed at night, then it all comes back.

So we use it as a numbing strategy to numb out emotions, to numb out our thoughts, to numb out anger.

I used to get, I used to get really busy in the kitchen if, if my ex criticized me for something, I would like, I.

It would start rage cleaning or rage cleaning out the dishwasher and just get really busy because that had the effect of numbing out that crappy emotion that I didn't want to feel.

@20:13 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I totally do that. And I didn't know until, I mean, we've watched our own mother do this, the rage cleaning, and suddenly I caught myself doing it one day.

And Mike, my husband, called me on it and said, what are you angry about? I'm like, I'm not angry.

Of course I was angry. And he's like, I can tell you're cleaning. You're like not just cleaning, you're like cleaning with force.

And, and yeah, I wonder how many other people do that. Like if it's, and maybe it's not cleaning, but I wonder how many women actually rage clean.

I Thank But I also wonder what other ways that comes up. Like, maybe it's doing something else. I don't know.

@21:12 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. There's lots of things that we stay busy with, right? Like, scrolling nowadays is one way that we keep our minds busy.

@21:22 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

True. Yeah. And, you know, Jen, going back to something you said earlier that on the surface, I think you said on the surface, it's trying to prove our value, be productive.

But I actually think there's a layer above that that I hear a lot of women say, I just don't have enough time.

I just have too many things to do.

@21:45 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah.

@21:45 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And that's the first layer. That's the surface layer is I have too much to do. I don't have enough time to do it in.

Yep.

@21:54 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Totally.

@21:55 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

so, you know, work is crazy right now. I hear that all the time.

@22:00 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I am so sick of hearing that. I'm actually starting to get triggered when people say, I'm too busy. I'm, it's crazy at work.

I'm like, uh, no, actually, yes, there are times when it gets crazy at work. But if it's always crazy at work, and you're one of those people that's been crazy at work for 20 years.

@22:17 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. It's not crazy at work.

@22:19 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I'm sorry to say it. not work.

@22:21 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry to say it.

@22:23 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And there are some industries and work cultures that promote that kind of busyness. So I do feel for some people who are in those kinds, like, like consulting, they always over promise.

I mean, sorry, over promise and then have to over deliver. So there's, there's certain work cultures that are like that.

And I worked in one too. So I get it, but I'm sorry. It's, we cause busyness for ourselves. And it's in part of this is in all the other coping strategies, the perfectionism, the people pleasing, uh, firefighting that we think we have to do.

@23:00 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

That we don't really have to do.

@23:01 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Not for everything.

@23:03 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. Can I tell a story about, like, a perfect example of this? I used to work for a company, and it did get very busy.

Like, we were going through a really tough time with, like, the whole company as a whole. And I won't tell you what company it was.

But what was happening was the board was trickling down demands and requests on the leadership team, which was then, you know, sending those down and down and down.

And so my team had been spinning for weeks, all summer. I was working way, like, long hours, working weekends, and I was actually really...

And I was lucky enough to have a boss who I could be really open and honest with at the time.

It was the long weekend in August, and I was supposed to meet my husband for dinner on the Friday night.

He was at the restaurant waiting for me. I think it was like 7 o'clock at night. And down came this request from the leadership.

We're going to need this done, this report, this whatever, we were putting together this thing, this project. We're going to need it done by Monday.

Well, was a long weekend. It was a holiday on Monday. And I don't know what got me to stop because all summer long I had been like, okay, all right, we're going to have to do this.

I'm to have to work tomorrow. And I don't know whether it was the fact that my husband was sitting at the restaurant waiting for me or something got me to.

Stop. And I said to my boss, they're not going to look at this on Monday. These board members, it's a long weekend in the summer.

They're all going to be at their cottages all weekend. They don't need this by Monday. We've been running all summer long.

Our team needs to take a break or we're going to burn out. And she looked at me and said, you're absolutely right.

And in that moment, I think it was just that nobody had stopped to have the presence of mind to say, wait a second.

And when I finally did, like everyone around me was like, oh, right. Of course. And we did. And so we all went and had a nice weekend.

And we returned on Tuesday and figured it all out. And it just, was such a lesson for me that, okay, first of all, I can voice what is going on in my mind to my boss.

And if she pushes back, then she pushes back. But in that moment, I was burning out. And sometimes it just takes, like, it just takes some presence to look around you.

Like, we're just moving forward all the time. It's keep moving, right? Moving forward. Get this done. Get that done.

Like, it's, we are on autopilot. Yeah. And just keep ticking stuff off and keep, yeah.

@26:48 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And we don't necessarily stop and have that presence to go, wait a sec. This is ridiculous.

@26:56 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And I can't keep moving like this. Yeah.

@26:59 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And I have something to Say, too, about that, Sheri, is that if you, our listener, are hearing this and going, well, I could never say that to my boss, you might have one of the other coping strategies, which is please, and that is please everybody around me.

Because that is definitely one that I had, and I would have struggled, even with the presence in the moment, way back when, I would have struggled, maybe not to my boss, but to a board member, I might have struggled to push back.

@27:33 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah.

@27:34 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Because I would have put them above me, and I would have wanted to make them happy and not want to disappoint them.

So finding your voice in those kinds of situations can sometimes be very difficult. So if you don't know what your coping strategy is, and you're feeling like you can't stop moving, you might also have some of the other ones.

So we have a quiz. We're going to talk about it at the end, but we have a quiz that you can take online.

It's like a two-minute quiz, and you can find out which of these coping strategies is yours and how to release it.

So check out the show notes at the end. Okay, let's keep going. Well, I just want to say one more thing because that really reminded me that you said something really important there about how we put other people above us.

@28:26 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

And particularly in a corporate environment, I often did this. I put anybody who was above me on the corporate ladder, I didn't feel like I could speak out or speak my mind to.

I would put them – that is putting them above you on the pedestal. Like you're putting them up on a pedestal.

You're putting their needs above your own. And – And I think when I went through that pivotal moment for me was when I was just starting to – I guess I was just starting to do this work on myself.

I think I had just turned 40, and I was really starting to do that worthy work because what that says is that your worth is less than theirs.

You're telling yourself that, well, I'm not – I can't speak my mind because their needs are more important than mine.

And that's putting – that is your self-worth that you are quashing. Yeah.

@29:44 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah, and like you said to me earlier as well, Sheri, when you don't – when you are stuck in this keep-moving pattern and you don't allow yourself to feel those

feelings. You are also telling yourself that you're not worthy because you're telling yourself that your feelings aren't valid. And that is basically telling you that you're not worth feeling those feelings.

So you end up in this kind of, this whole, this keep moving strategy is very much a vicious cycle.

You keep moving to prove your value or to numb out emotions, which, and part of the reason you're trying to prove your value with external things is because you don't feel worthy in the first place.

And then you tell yourself to keep moving and my needs don't matter. Everybody else's needs matter and mine don't, and I don't need self-care and I can just keep pushing through.

And that tells your soul that you're even more not worthy. So it's just going to plummet eventually. Yeah.

@30:51 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

If you keep on this path.

@30:53 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah.

@30:54 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. And I think we need to distinguish between confidence and self-worth because I know when I. When I've talked about self-worth in this way on my other podcast, I've received messages from listeners, like honest messages about how they found that very activating because they felt like they were successful, confident, and those are very different things.

You can be very – all the people that we work with are confident and successful.

@31:28 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. I came across that way too when I was in corporate. I've had people tell me that. was always put together, was always organized.

I always knew my stuff. Yeah. So it's a very good point because, yeah, people can find that kind of triggering.

And people actually – when I talk about it, my own experiences with it, people used to say to me, well, what are you talking about?

You're confident. You have a great job.

@31:59 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

You have this thing.

@32:00 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And I'd be like, yeah, but there's always, there's this self-doubt and negative talk and self-criticism that's always running in the background, even though I was confident.

And I was confident in my job. I knew that I was perfectly capable. I knew I was efficient. And this isn't even just about work.

This is at home, too.

@32:29 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I need to be a good wife.

@32:30 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

need to be a good mom. It stems from all these places that eventually, at the root of it, are self-worth.

@32:41 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah, exactly. Or a lack of it in some area. Exactly. And it's not, yeah, I'm not even sure where to go from here with that because I think this deserves a whole podcast of its own.

This whole But it's really at the root of everything we keep talking about. It's at the root of every one of these midlife coping strategies is, you know, the drive to be productive is my productivity.

The more productive I am, the more worthy I am.

@33:18 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Right.

@33:18 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

The perfectionism that is also like the more perfect I come across, if I'm like perfect, then I will be more valuable.

So it crops up in every single one of them. So I think we need to talk more about it.

But let's move on with our keep moving. We've talked about we've talked about what it is, the signs that you keep moving.

We've talked about the drivers of it. I want to talk a little bit more, Jen, about the the addictive part of it.

You said earlier that it is. Addiction, just like any other addiction. And I think people probably, like we do call it workaholism.

He's a workaholic. Like we say that, I don't know, without really thinking about how addictive busyness is, and it can be not just at work, as you said, you can be a workaholic at home too.

@34:25 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I know, I love talking about this because I was also in the dark about it a few years ago.

I always used to think that when we called someone a workaholic, that they liked, they actually liked working.

@34:41 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah.

@34:44 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And, and I also, the other misconception I had was that it also was confined to like your job, whether that be your own business or work or whatever.

And, and it also, and then third misconception was that it was. It was also sort of synonymous with, you know, a certain number of hours that you worked, like 12, 18-hour days or whatever that was.

And it's none of those things. Workaholics don't necessarily like work. They just can't stop. It's not confined to work per se.

Because for me, I worked, I never worked that long of hours because I always ran out of cognitive energy.

So, actually, I'm lying. There was one company for about a year and a half that I worked crazy, ridiculous hours.

But generally, even when I worked for Nestle, it was like kind of a 9, 10-hour day. But, which most people wouldn't consider workaholism.

Now, we, I do not. I don't think anybody should work 10-hour days or even 8-hour days for that matter.

But, what would happen is I would come home. If I worked an 8-hour day for... For example, I would come home and I'd do a bunch of stuff because I didn't feel like the eight-hour day was enough to earn me rest.

So I'd come home and I'd do a bunch of chores, even things that didn't necessarily have to be done, and then only after that I could rest.

So it was like my whole work, if you considered all of it together, was a long day. Yeah.

@36:32 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yep. I was doing the same thing. And even outside of chores, you know, there was a time actually that same period of my life when I was about 40, I made myself very busy.

And the emotions that I was trying to cover up, I was trying to have kids. And I was finding it really hard to be going through all of that, the emotions of...

And what I was doing was, first of all, the fertility clinic was an hour away, and all the appointments, they've got to do your blood work and your ultrasounds first thing in the morning.

So I was getting up at 5, driving to the clinic, getting all the blood work done. And this is like every other day you do this.

And then coming back home and rolling into the office at 9 as though I had just rolled out of bed.

And still trying to, like working a full day. I had a volunteer board position at the time. And I was also doing my nutrition diploma.

I was working towards that. And like planning a wedding. We moved cities. I had all of this going on at one time.

Like I was busy. Did I have to be that busy? No, but I felt. I like I had so many emotions going on that I just didn't want to stop and think about it.

@38:08 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Sheri, there was one point in my life where I just scheduled social things constantly. I was out every night of the week.

When I first moved to South Africa, I knew it. I remember actually saying to you on the phone one time, I can't be at home alone.

I can't. And I didn't know why way back then. I think that was 16 years ago. So I didn't know.

I couldn't figure out why. I was like, why can't I be at home alone? So I just scheduled myself.

And I've seen that too. It's not just work. It's busyness. And so the addictive part, as with any addiction, is because we don't want to feel the emotions.

Yeah. Uncomfortable emotions. I mean, even this conversation might trigger some people who, you know, alcoholics or smokers who say, no, this is not an addiction like any other.

But. I really believe that it is. In fact, it might even be harder to deal with because for two reasons, our society praises busyness.

Our society doesn't praise alcoholism or smoking or other things. Mm-hmm. So we, you know, we condone being busy. The busier you are, the better you are.

So we've got conditioning that makes it harder to stop. And you can't just, like, we have to live. So you can't just start doing something.

You can't just quit cold turkey in this case. Right. Yeah.

@39:39 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

You always have to start and stop after three drinks or, like, stop after X amount of time or, you know, I have to tell myself, like, I am going to stop cleaning the house after I have vacuumed.

@39:53 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Mm-hmm. Or I'll just, like, keep on with the momentum. Mm-hmm.

@40:00 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah, I agree with that 100%. And yeah, you're probably right. There are people who are listening, thinking, no, no, no, it's different.

Alcoholism is a disease. And that may be true. But there are so many addictions out there, and I think they all have the same root.

It's avoiding emotions or chasing emotions. It's avoiding uncomfortable ones, chasing good ones. Yeah.

@40:37 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

We have women in our program who are recovering alcoholics who agree, yeah, now I'm just staying busy.

@40:49 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I just moved from one to the other. Yeah. Yeah. And if we look at our society, it's...

Rampant with addictions. You know, scrolling is an addiction. Distraction. Netflix. Yeah.

@41:09 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

All kinds of – even exercise can be an addiction.

@41:12 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I was just chatting with a friend about this. Her daughter is – she moved from drug addiction to exercise addiction.

So she's in fitness competitions. She's controlling her body. So there's – and I think it makes it very difficult because there are sort of acceptable addictions, as you say.

Working, exercising. Yeah. I'm trying to think of others, but yeah. Yeah. Sure.

@41:48 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Just to go back to the drivers again, like we talked about how, you know, the drivers are, I need to prove my value and like this addiction.

But we've just also touched on another driver and that is – Society is telling us, one, that being busy makes you important, or a better mom, or a better worker.

The busier I am, the more important I am. And we also have societal norms telling women in midlife that we're less than.

Yep.

@42:19 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Your youth is gone. You are no longer valuable. You're no longer relevant.

@42:24 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

You're less attractive. You're less attractive. You are, you're getting brain fog, so I need to work harder. So there's so many factors that are working against you, especially when you hit your 40s.

Yep.

@42:40 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah, touching on that last one, the brain fog, we've talked about this before in our brain fog episode, which I can't remember what number that is.

But the brain fog, you know, you can no longer multitask. You can't, in fact, I would argue that we actually can't really ever multitask.

We just just run. Rapidly switch from one task to another.

@43:01 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

But, yeah, we feel so much less effective when we can't remember things.

@43:06 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

We have to take the time to write things down. We lose things, so we spend a whole bunch more time looking for things.

All of that, like this brain fog, is causing us to have to or feel like we have to work harder in order to maintain the same level of efficiency and productivity as we did in our younger years.

So there's another reason. I know.

@43:33 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And all the busyness. And then all the busyness makes the brain fog worse.

@43:38 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Exactly, yeah. That's the reason our cortisol. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah.

@43:44 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

So, and then I guess like talking about drivers and how all this comes down to self-worth. This is how self-worth and all of these psychological drivers connect with our body and the symptoms we're going through at this.

Point in our lives is that there's a stress response that's associated with this, with this strategy. So if you're in like this, keep moving all the time, you are in a flight stress response.

Your nervous system is revved up. And we know that when your nervous system is revved up and you're in a flight response, you are going to have, your body's going to be releasing cortisol and then you're going to feel symptoms.

Like you're going to not be able to sleep. You're going to get hot flashes.

@44:42 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah.

@44:44 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Even like shallow breathing and inability to rest, like that's associated. So you don't breathe as deeply, which also in turn revs up your nervous system even more.

And then it feels even less comfortable, like even. Yeah. It's uncomfortable to relax and unsafe. That's such a good point.

@45:08 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

So as you know, our cousin gave me this whoop, this thing that I wear on my wrist, and I'm just getting used to it and it's calibrating, but it is eye-opening.

I was always sort of against all these devices and biohacks and things that are telling us what our body feels and what our body's doing because it further disconnects us from our body if we're relying on a little device to tell us what's happening in our body.

And yet, by the same token, it's showing me what my heart rate is doing when I'm sleeping. And oh my gosh, is it interesting.

Like if I have even one or two drinks, my heart rate goes up when I'm sleeping and I don't get as much deep rest.

And if I'm stressed during the day, it shows What's happening? It's so fascinating how much cortisol impacts your heart rate, how much alcohol impacts your heart rate, and how sugar and how that impacts your sleep, your recovery from exercise, your recovery from stress from the day before.

It's really fascinating. Anyway, I digress.

@46:29 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

I know. I have to tell one more story, though. Did I tell you the other day when it was New Year's Eve, actually, when my daughter had five Godiva chocolates right before bed without me knowing?

So, yeah, five of these really sweet Belgian chocolates. I got a box of chocolates for Christmas from somebody, and I didn't realize it.

She ate five of them, and she was sleeping in my bed that night because we also had my stepson with me.

He was sleeping in her bed. She was tossing and turning for five hours until one o'clock in the morning.

And then she finally settled. Like she was asleep. She was asleep. She was keeping me up because she kept kicking me and rolling over on top of me and stuff.

She's only seven. So I always marveled at how kids can deal with like sugar and they just sort of keep going.

Mm-hmm, they don't. wow, what a, like, and now I know what happens to my body when I have a couple of chocolates or like whatever sugar.

And that's what, like, of course I'm going to toss and turn. And I don't, like now, because I don't have the estrogen buffer and the progesterone that keeps my cortisol down, I'm not only tossing and turning in my sleep, I'm waking up.

And that's the insomnia. It made, like, it just, the link just was even stronger. Yeah.

@48:00 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's really fascinating to watch kids go through that.

@48:06 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah, I didn't realize how much it affects their sleep.

@48:09 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It was really interesting. So, Jen, yeah, let's start wrapping this up. I think the one thing that we maybe want to leave people with is if you're recognizing your own story in this keep moving coping strategy, mm-hmm, we've given them one thing that they can do, like the breathing when you're switching tasks, that becoming present.

Yeah. Should we give them one more maybe tool or exercise that they can take away?

@48:45 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

What I think we could do is let me talk really quickly about the spiritual link here. Mm-hmm. Because this is important.

Like what this does to your body is it creates like fatigue, emotional exhaustion. Mm And that is telling you that this is no longer aligned with your soul.

You are disconnecting from your body and you're disconnecting with what your soul truly wants. You're escaping. Like you're escaping life, basically.

@49:19 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah.

@49:20 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And so, like when you brought up the, what is it? Whoosh, whoop? The whoop.

@49:28 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

The whoop.

@49:30 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And you said how you don't like to be disconnected from your body. That's what, like maybe that's also reconnecting you because you're also seeing what's happening and that can more, that can attune you to what you're feeling in your body.

Like if this thing's telling you your heart rate's raised, then you can go, oh, okay, this is what it feels like when my heart rate's up.

I can pay attention to this now and become more attuned, not just to your body, but to what your soul wants.

Because when you're in this keep moving. Keep Like we said, how linked it is with perfectionism and pleasing. So you're not aligning or attuning to what your soul wants.

And you're probably not setting very good boundaries for yourself. So what we can leave our listeners with is maybe a mantra.

@50:21 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah, I like that idea.

@50:23 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Like something like, I allow myself to rest without guilt.

@50:32 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

I allow myself to feel my emotions.

@50:37 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

My emotions are valid.

@50:40 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yes, I like that one too, Jen.

@50:42 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Or it's safe. I have so many. It's safe to feel my emotions.

@50:47 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Yeah. I really, I think that is the first step is because you're, we've talked about this already. Keep moving is all about avoiding those emotions.

And when you stop, if you can have the – okay, wait a second. Let's step back because the first step is always to notice.

And if you can catch yourself in busyness and notice when you're there, then you can stop and take those three breaths that we did at the beginning.

And then ask yourself, what is this feeling that I'm trying to escape? What is this feeling? Or what feeling am I chasing?

What's the good feeling I'm chasing? Or what's the uncomfortable one that I don't want to feel? And then these mantras.

Say one of the mantras. It's okay for me to feel what I'm feeling. It's safe for me. You never want to feel it.

@51:50 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Yeah. You push them away. Because we've been told we're not allowed to feel anger and grief and don't feel it.

Just push it away.

@51:57 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So allow yourself.

@52:00 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

And we have a ton of processes to help you do this feeling safe and in very gentle ways inside our program.

So if you want to know more about that, we can put that link in the show notes too.

@52:15 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Mm-hmm. But what we really want you to start with is go take the quiz. Find out which is the midlife coping strategy that's really costing you the most.

And you're going to get a write-up and an explanation of what that coping strategy is all about and how you can take the first steps toward alleviating that or shifting that.

@52:46 - Jennifer Reimer (virtuousradicals.com)

Awesome. So that link will be in the show notes. And if you find it helpful, our Instagram links are also there.

Send us a message on Instagram. We love hearing from our listeners about what you learned, your aha moments. And if the quiz helps you.

@53:05 - Sheri Johnson (Sheri Johnson)

Awesome. Okay, come back next week. We've got another amazing episode for you. And we will we're going to talk more about self-worth.