36: The Hidden Energetics Keeping You Feeling Unfulfilled in Midlife

The Hidden Energetics Keeping You Feeling Unfulfilled in Midlife

So many midlife women aren’t unhappy… but they’re not fully alive either.

It sounds like...

 “I just need to get through a few more years…”

 “Once the kids are done school, then I’ll have the time/energy/money to live the life I really want”

 “My life is good enough. I shouldn’t complain”

In this episode, we unpack the hidden patterns and subconscious beliefs that keep midlife women stuck in a life that works… but doesn’t truly fulfill them. 

Here's what you'll find out in this episode:

•  Why so many midlife women fall into the “I’ll live later” trap
•  The hidden cost of telling yourself that your life is “good enough” 
•  Why you may feel disconnected from what you actually want 
•  The cultural conditioning that teaches women to stay small 
•  The subconscious beliefs that quietly shape your choices 

 We're also going to show you that you don’t need a massive life overhaul to feel alive and fulfilled again.  You just need to take one small step in the right direction.

Join us for the Autopilot to Alive Retreat in Peru! Details here.

Join us in Costa Rica, October 2026 for our Retreat: Soul-Aligned - Design Your Extraordinary Next Chapter! Click here for details.

Find us on instagram:

 @midlifewomenrising

@jenreimercoaching

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome. This is the Midlife Rising podcast. There is something that Jen and I both hear so many of our clients say. And it really breaks my heart. Here's what they say. I just need to ride out these next few years, and then I'll live the life I really want. Then I'll do what I really want to do. And underneath of that, there's this belief that in order to live your most extraordinary or your most exceptional life, you have to start over or you have to disrupt your life or even blow up your entire life, what you already have. Start your career over, get divorced, have new relationships, something else. The other thing we hear is, and maybe this is you, you feel like you have a pretty good life. You shouldn't complain or you should be grateful. Other people have it worse. So I should be grateful. And so then you shut down any thoughts of doing anything different or, and I'm not talking about just career. This is, we're talking about living what really makes you happy. It's not necessarily a career change. It might be just allowing yourself to take on some sort of passion that you have or something that feels really meaningful for you. And we shut those down before they even become conscious. But here's the thing: this is what is underneath of this. We are all worthy of an extraordinary life. And it doesn't have to, it doesn't have to happen in one fell swoop or even after a major overhaul or career change. It comes through uncovering the subconscious beliefs that are blocking you from doing what you really want. And then it's through the micro changes, micro shifts that happen every day. So if you are someone who wants to live a more extraordinary life, you want to get off autopilot and start living a life you can really get excited about. We're going to get you on that path today. You can start right after you listen to this episode. And if you want that, let's dive in. You're a woman over 40 who spent your life being the one who holds it all together. But now your body's changing and your soul is done pretending everything is fine. Welcome to Midlife Rising. We're your hosts, Sherry and Jen, twin sisters and modern medicine women, here to help you rewire your stress response, balance your hormones, and reclaim your feminine power. Every episode is a rebellion against the rules you never agreed to and a return to yourself. Join us where Midlife isn't a crisis, it's a catalyst. Welcome back to the Midlife Rising podcast. We're really happy you're here if you are a new first-time listener. And if you're back for more, we are really appreciative that you are listening again. So welcome. Now, Jen, before we actually get into how to create an extraordinary life, let's break down. I'm thinking let's break down like what's actually happening now. What are we hearing? What, why are we like not doing this to begin with? Well, let's start with what we're hearing. And that is, I hear this all the time. I'm just gonna get through these next couple of years and then and then I'm gonna, you know, quit my job and do what I really want to do. Play golf or start painting or whatever it is. And so that's probably the most common one. And then the other one that we hear all the time is I feel like I'm not myself anymore. I'm just kind of living on autopilot and I want to experience life again. Yeah, it's autopilot. It's just sort of ho-um, like I'm just kind of going through the motions without really feeling lit up. Yeah. And it's so, it's so common in midlife because we have our physiology is changing so much. And a lot of women feel depression because of the physiological changes already. And we feel like we're like serving everybody else, we're overfunctioning, working too hard, working even harder now because we've got brain fog and memory loss. And so it gets even worse. And this feeling like I want something more sort of comes to a crux at this time in your life. So we're gonna dive into a little deeper in a few minutes why, like what's actually going on underneath the surface, like why we actually feel this way in midlife. But I really want to go back to a couple of things that you said, Jen, and dive in a little bit deeper to what this really because I don't think I don't think women are walking around saying, I want my life to be better. They're not walking around saying, like, my life needs to change or I want to live an extraordinary life. I think this shows up or it sounds different inside our heads if we actually pay attention. That is very true. None of our clients are walking around saying, I want to live an extraordinary life. No, although, you know, when when I heard somebody say that for the first time, I was like, oh, I want that. I want to live an extraordinary life. I don't want to just live like, like, I want something good. Because I felt like my life was, I was like, really, is this all there is? Yeah, it feels a little bit mediocre. Yeah. And then we're told that like life is just going on the decline now. Like we're over the hill. So the second half of life doesn't get better, it gets worse. So I think that's what we need to shift here. But let's so I think we've kind of got three categories of things that we hear. And I want to dive in a little bit deeper here because I I really want you, our listener, to see which one you identify with the most. So the first is the this delayed life pattern. And I talked about it in the intro. You just said it, Jen. I just need to get through the next five years. I just need to get through the next couple of years. And I've even heard, you know, women in their 50s say, like that would be the 40s or 50s. Um, but I've heard women say, once I retire, then I'll finally live the life I want. And we're sort of taught like cultural conditioning, like we, they, it tells us retirement is when you do what you want. Retirement is when you get to travel and do all the fun things. And then you hear about all these people who retire and and they don't do any of those things, or they retire, and the day after they retire, they have a heart attack or something. Like, why do we have to wait? Or then we're too tired to do it, or we've got other we have other life things. Oh, the kids are in college. Okay, so we'll just pay for college and then we'll do all the things we want. Yes. And it, I I have so, Sherra, I have so many friends in my life right now who are all in their 50s, and all of them have said, yep, it's just gonna be two years. I can think of one of them who four years ago, she said, Yeah, Jen, it's it's so crazy busy right now. I can't even function. I'm just gonna do two more years of this and then I'm gonna leave. And she's still there, and it's gotten worse. They've given her more responsibilities, more titles. And another one, yeah, I'm gonna retire when I'm 55 and then when do this other thing that I really want to do. Now she's 57. Yeah. Like, okay. So that's what we do. Like we we either postpone it, or we get to it and then actually like we leave the job or whatever, and we don't actually, like, it doesn't actually happen. No, no, and there's something like that to me, as soon as you know, like, you know that there's a subconscious belief blocking you when you've said something because you've delayed it, like you've you've postponed it, and then you get to that point and you're still not happy and you still haven't done the thing you said you were gonna do. And you like if you've said you want to do something and you're still not doing it in the time frame that you said you were gonna do it in, there's something subconscious underneath the surface there that's keeping you from doing it. Yeah. When you don't live up to your own word, there's a fear, a subconscious belief, a block of some sort that's stopping you. So that's the that's the I'll live later. Delayed, that's a delayed life pattern. And it's usually after retirement, after financial security, or after the kids are done college. Yeah. The second one that you talked about, or that I think we alluded to, is what we call the good enough trap. So this is the my life is pretty good. I can't complain. I shouldn't complain. I should be grateful because I have what a lot of people want. You know? I think I have a pretty good life. I have a pretty good life. And other people have it worse. So we make ourselves feel guilty for wanting something more or something better, even just something different. Yeah. A lot of a lot of women call it guilt. And actually what it is is they feel selfish. Yep. Wanting more. Like I shouldn't want more because I should be grateful for what I have. Um, and it feels it's yeah. We're like women are told not to be not to be selfish. We're supposed to serve everybody else. So if you're going after what you want, it feels then that is that's arrogant and selfish and not what women are supposed to do. Yeah. The other one that I hear that comes up a lot in because we do work on purpose and well, and change, you know, creating the light, the extraordinary life that you want. Women don't even know what they want anymore. So they live. That's the third one, right? Like, I don't even know what I want. Well, yeah, I guess so. Yes. That's number three. Just feel being very disconnected from what you actually want. So I don't even know what I want anymore. We've been so used to, like you said, taking care of other people's needs and desires and wants and thinking about what other people, like even right down to what do you want for dinner? I know, that was me. That we are so me too. I was so out of touch. Actually, here's a um uh this really may drive this home. So last year I went to Mexico and returned to the retreat center where I had participated in a couple of retreats. And then I just went back to that retreat center, but I went by myself, not with a retreat, just on my own. So I had a whole week of me and doing what I want to do. And I I knew some people down there, had some friends, and and so things, opportunities came up. And I found myself really struggling at first. I'm like, what do I want to do today? Like, I can't even, I don't even know. Do I want to go to the beach or do I want to hang out by the pool? Do I want to have breakfast now or do I want to wait for a little bit and go do some yoga first? Like it was these choices that I was, I know like I became very conscious of all the choices that were presented to me all day long and how difficult it was for me to tap into what did I want to do? I'm so used to having, even on the retreats that I went to the two prior years to the same place, I was with a friend. So I was constantly monitoring. Well, do you want to go to the beach today? Okay, let's go to the beach. Um, I was always looking for what are other people doing? What do other people want to do? And I think I want that too. Rather than actually tapping into what I wanted. And it was so blatantly obvious that I couldn't, I was having so much trouble making these decisions because I didn't even know what I wanted. I still, I still have to, I'm conscious of it now, so it's easier for me, but I go through this every Sunday. So my kid leaves in the morning and then I have Sunday to do what I want to do. I have the rest of the day for me. And what comes up is a lot of shoulds. I should clean the house. I should do this, I should get a bit of work done, I should like all kinds of things that I should be doing. So I find it that's the shift that um that I have a lot of trouble with is there's the what everybody else wants, but there's also what should I be doing. Yeah. And we've heard that a lot from our clients as well. Like I shouldn't be in the garden. I should be doing this stuff. I should be whatever it is that they should be doing. Yeah. All the things around the house, the grocery shopping, the whatever. So it's hard to sift through that stuff. And then when it comes to actually what we really want in life, oh, forget it. It's well, let's try it's it's like throwing spaghetti against the fridge. Although actually, I don't know if a lot of people do that. But if you throw the spaghetti against the fridge to see if it's cooked or not, it sticks. So they're they're trying out stuff. Like, I'll let's, I'm gonna become a yoga instructor, or I'll try this, or I'll try that. And nothing like I have a friend who's like just learned how to do Botox on people because she's a nurse. And she was like, Yeah, I don't think I that's what I really want to do, though. I'm not that passionate about it. So they're like throwing stuff against the wall and seeing. So we've got like three kinds of things that are happening. There's the like, I'll do it when I retire. I shouldn't do it, or I'm too afraid to do it. This is somewhere we didn't talk about this share. Like, somewhere mixed in, there's also the fear. So you were talking the other day about one of our clients that um, no, sorry, I was talking, it was I was talking to a client and she said, um, she just wants to cook. She just wants to like become a chef, and that's all she wants to do. And it's like, well, then why don't you? No, no, no, no, I couldn't. I can't leave my day job. I can't do, I couldn't do this. And that part of that is fear, like it's the financial security quite often. And we're gonna get to this, it's the conditioning that tells you you shouldn't. Like you shouldn't want, like, you know, I'm not worthy of it. I shouldn't, I shouldn't want more. I should be grateful for what I have. It's almost like there's a progression. Like there, there's the the first group is the people who don't even have a clue what they want. And they're just not tapped in and then or just have become so out of touch with what they want. Then there's the group that maybe knows they want something else, but they're not sure what it is, and they and they're the postponers. Like they're like, well, maybe I do know what I want, or maybe they have an inkling, but that's not for now. That's for someday. And then there's the the ones who are, well, yeah, I know what I want, but I shouldn't really like I've got a good life. I'm not gonna disrupt it. I should be grateful for what I have. Like that's asking for too much, that thing that I want. And then there's the fourth group that is they know what they want. They've they feel passionate about something, but there's a fear that's keeping them from doing it. Well, and then there's actually the fifth group, which is they know what they want, they're ready to do it, they know what their passion is, and they go and do it. That's the expansive, yes, of course. That's the that's the possibility. Is like if you want to be a painter and you think there's like a million reasons why you can't, actually, those you can. And this woman has realized that actually it was just my subconscious and my societal conditioning that has told me not to. We're not gonna be able to go through all five of those and like show you how to go go through that progression and get to that final point. But we do this in our retreats and our programs. What we wanna get you to see today is that what some of the things are that might hold you back. So, do you want to get into some of those things, John? Yeah, let's talk about. So the first thing really that our listeners that that I invite our listeners to acknowledge is that they may be that it it might be their subconscious blocks, their own fears that are holding them back. It's not like it feels like it's all the external stuff that stops us from from leave from having more. Yes. That's true. Right? It's like, well, because I've got my, I've got to pay for my kids and I've got a mortgage, and I have, um, I have this job, and I'm gonna let people down if I do it. And it so it feels like it's all the things that are stopping us from having what we really want and living an exceptional life. And what I want to start by inviting our listeners to do is to acknowledge that yes, there is all those things, and I might be blocking myself. It might be just me and my fears. And knowing that, we can talk about some of the conditioning and subconscious beliefs that are keeping us playing small and not having that life we want. That's a great opening to this next. Yeah. So let's start with the the societal conditioning, like all that subliminal messaging that is out there telling us like, no, you can't do that. Well, and it starts from when we're so young that it's so deeply ingrained that we, I don't think we even notice or know when it started. So when does it start? What do we hear? Yeah, they've done some studies on this, and I I didn't I actually didn't come prepared with a a reference to one of them, but I've read a couple of them recently where they look at boys and girls in like as young as age six and seven, and they they've noticed that boys are sort of conditioned to do what you want, like become who you want to be. And girls from a very young age are taught to be quiet and nice. This is still in today's day, like these are not old studies. They're taught to to be nice, to be kind, to listen to authority, to follow. So we're not necessarily taught that the world is our oyster in the way that boys are. Yeah. And of course, there's always some. Like I do have a couple of friends who their parents told them to like dream big. And I was so envious. I was like, oh, that would have been an amazing message for me to hear at a young age. Because I heard get a safe job. Yeah. Um what else did we hear, share as kids? Like, uh, well, it was it was get a good job that pays the bills and do your do what you want outside of your work hours. Like do your hobbies, your passions. Like that all comes on the weekend. So then you start living for the weekend and you hate Mondays, which is was what I did. Or it's uh no, like you play it safe. Get like get a safe job. Not a, you know, there's like the starving artist. Um be actually this came up at a party on the weekend because my kid now, she she did so great in in her play recently. And she's been talking about how she now wants to become an actress. And we're at this party talking about it. And my husband is there, and there's like teachers around and stuff. And one of the teachers is like, oh, you have to let her be an actress. Like she's just so good. She's a natural. And my ex is going, no, absolutely not. She's not becoming an actress because that like, because that's the that's the thing. No, you can't make money as an actress. You're never going to be successful. It's too hard to be successful. Yeah. And it's not his fault. That's that's conditioning. Well, he was also a starving musician for a little while, too. So he knows what it feels like. But um we're also told from a young age to serve everybody else. Yeah. Like we were taught obey. Yes. Like I don't even hear that word. Word anymore, but we heard it all the time as kids. We did. And here's the other thing that I've even noticed in families. So I don't have kids, but I'm in a sort of unique position as a result to simply observe what happens in other families. So when I was over for dinner at a friend's place and it was, we're getting dinner ready, and she called her daughter up to make a salad. Daughter's actually the, it's it wasn't about age or anything. The daughter's actually the younger of the two. She has a boy and a girl. She called her daughter to make a salad while the boys got to stay outside and play. It wasn't till later that I thought about that. And of course, she didn't, I'm sure she didn't give it a second thought. And her daughter was quite happy to come and help. But it just, it's those little nuances. You're, you know, you're expected to even like become an adult a little earlier because you're expected to help the adults while the boys get to stay out and play and do their thing. So these subtle messages are still in our 2026 society. The good woman, the nice woman, the like those girls grow up to be the woman who I'll set aside my playtime to help with dinner, or I will then become the woman who makes dinner because the men need to rest, or the men need to play, or they need to whatever. Well, we I don't think we're thinking in our minds that the men need to rest. It's I have to be a, I have to, I have to cook dinner. It's like a default. Yeah, we don't think, we don't even think about it. We don't think twice about it. There's not a that line isn't running in our heads. It's running beneath the surface as the subconscious thought. Well, it it came out of in my life, yeah. It came out in my life as irritation. So, like, why am I struggling here? Why am I doing all this work around the house and he's lying on the couch? That's the way it comes out. Yeah. And yet we still keep doing it. I did for a long time. So tying this into the extraordinary life, women have this systemic, this cultural conditioning that little by little, from the time that we are little girls to the time that we are in midlife, we slowly put aside our needs, put aside our dreams in order to care for everybody else's needs and desires and dreams and wants. Like how many women have children and they funnel all their energy into their children's dreams. And money. Like they'll buy the kids new clothes, but not by themselves a new outfit. Oh, they'll spend thousands on hockey gear and tournaments or soccer or dance. Like, oh my gosh, dance. Oh, I know. My kids and dance. How expensive the outfits are and the so they funnel money, time, energy all into their kids' dreams at the expense of their own. Yeah. Because then you don't have to feel guilty. And that's what we're supposed to do. I mean, that's yeah. And and because if you took care of your own dreams, that would be selfish. The other thing, Cher, that I want to mention here is that our physiology, just tying this back to the beginning when I mentioned physiology, our physiology, estrogen mostly, but our sex hormones in general lead us to care for others. There's studies on this that that's like estrogen isn't is the nurturing sex hormone. And it is telling your brain all those years to serve everybody else. And then suddenly, when estrogen, all our sex hormones are all over the place or and then declining in midlife, that's when when this stuff starts to come to a head because we're feeling this like, I don't want to nurture people anymore, I want to take care of myself. But because society has told us we need to be these self-sacrificing women and mothers and wives and partners, that we have this resistance going on. So our body's telling us now it's time to go after your dreams, your own life, take care of yourself. And you, even though, even though your body's telling you to do it, you can't, because your mind can't get there. And on top of that, we have societal messaging that tells us that, well, you're just going to be more tired now. You're in a decline, like your health begins to decline at age 40. And so then we we believe that. I mean, we take that on. And yet we have all of this energy that was going into producing eggs, our fertility requires so much energy. Like it requires so many calories, so much fuel to create an egg every month. Like we have no idea how much of that it actually takes from our bodies. Not to create the egg, but to yeah, to grow the egg and get it prepared. To get it prepared for fertilization, ovulation, the whole cycle requires a lot of energy managing all these hormones. And so when we lose our fertility, all of that energy is actually meant to be freed up for other things to create something. We're we're we're no longer required to create babies. So we have this creative energy that could go into something else, but then we have this societal messaging that tells us, oh no, you're in your, your, your best years are behind you. You're in your years of decline. Yeah. When we're getting older. Yeah. And that's a subconscious, like we, we we embody that without even realizing it. I'm still fighting it off. So I think have we covered everything there? The uh goodness, the cultural conditioning that's kind of underneath of this. I think we it probably is worth mentioning, though we've talked about it before. You have to earn your rest, your playtime, even your passions. So it's sort of you go get a job, it's the same thing as before. Like go get a job that pays the bills and do your passions and your hobbies on the weekend. Who the heck has energy for that? By the time you get to the weekend, you're so tired and you have so many other things to do to take care of the house. You have no time for your passions. So being productive and pouring into the people around you and your home and taking care of everything equals worth, equals value for women. Yeah, we're told we have to be productive, we have to keep striving, we have to keep achieving. So when we're not, and we're actually doing something we really want to do, there's constantly a pull. Like for me on Sundays, yesterday, I wanted to read the New York Times. I was like, just, but I constantly had a pull going, no, you should be doing this other thing. The kitchen's still a mess. You read the New York Times? Not every week, but I did yesterday. I that's what I I went to the I went to the store and I bought the New York Times because I just felt like reading a newspaper. Like I couldn't remember the last time I'd read a paper newspaper. Oh, yeah, me neither. And that was all I wanted to like yesterday, that was what I was passionate about. I wanted to get caught up on news and opinions and arts and culture. And that it, like, as an aside, that is like every day, whatever you choose is your passion and your extraordinary life, too. But we'll like we'll get to that. But that was like, Yes, because that might not sound like an extraordinary life to a lot of people, but each day, when you're following your passion, then you feel like you're living an extraordinary life. And that was my passion yesterday. Like that was all I wanted to do. Yeah. Okay. So some of the, do you want to talk about some of the subconscious beliefs that are keeping us playing small, sure? Yes. Some big ones. It like you might not say it this way, like I've missed my window. Um, it's like, it's too late for me to start over, is a big one. Like it always feels too late. Or it's not even that it's too late to start over. It's too late to start something new. Yes. I'm I'm in my 50s now. Like, I'm not gonna go do that and start something new. But we tell ourselves that you can only start new things when you're young. So it's too late for me now. Yeah. Too late to take up a new hobby or whatever that might be. Um it's selfish. Coming back. I was gonna say it's selfish. I'm just gonna just come back to that. Um, so that is a belief. Like we are we're told, we've we've I think we've kind of made that point that we feel guilty and we feel selfish for just wanting more. Yeah. So I should be grateful. I want to touch on that one for a sec, Jen. Just pause here because gratitude is a thing right now, right? Like there's gratitude journals and there's gratitude, like everything is like you just need to be grateful. Show gratitude. Like there's gratitude is gonna change your life. And so then we feel like you're gonna manifest everything you want if you're just grateful. Yeah. And I actually wonder whether that might be doing us a disservice. Like it's one thing, yes, I absolutely believe in gratitude. And there's something that shifts when I move into a place of feeling grateful. But it can, there's a fine line between true gratitude for what you have, and then this little part of you that says, well, I but I should be grateful for what I have. And it's wrong that I'm not, or I I have things that other people want, I should be grateful for that. But if it's not what you want, it doesn't matter how much money you have or how many trips you get to go on, or how like if that's not what you want, then it's no wonder you're not grateful for it. Yeah. And Cher, the other thing about gratitude is that it can be sort of like a band-aid on a wound. Like you have to, you have to Oh, this is gonna sound gross, but you have to like squeeze out the pus before you cover it, like before the wound's gonna heal. Like you can't just cover it up with a band aid. So you have to, before you can be grateful for something, you have to acknowledge the things you don't like about your life first. And honor what you've been through. And that's okay. Yeah. It's a we have to allow ourselves to feel crappy about certain things. Like you could be in a place where you're like, I actually hate my job. And then there's that little voice going, Yeah, but you should be grateful for it. You can't just tell yourself, I'm grateful, I'm grateful if by repeating it. It doesn't work. Right. You have to acknowledge, I'm not, I'm grateful for my job, but I really don't like my job. Like you have to give voice to the negative before you can be grateful for something. Or it doesn't, like it just doesn't work. I agree. So, Jen, I think this last one is actually a really important one. And it's we we can harbor a subconscious belief that other people matter more. And it's just another way of acknowledging how often women put other people's needs and desires before our own. And I had a a friend who said to me one time, when I said to her, Well, but aren't your needs important? And she said, Well, aren't aren't I supposed to take care of my kids' needs and desires first? Like she it didn't even occur to her that she would get to take care of herself or her needs or her desires. So, and that is saying the children matter more. And there's probably somebody there saying, well, Sherry doesn't have kids, so she can't understand it. No, but I do, and and I get it. Yeah. It's and it's not that I'm saying your kids aren't important. It's what I'm saying is you are equally important to your kids, to your boss, to your husband or your spouse or your wife. It like we are all equally worthy and we all equally matter. And we put others before us is the problem. Yeah. Because it feels unkind. So that's another, like, it's a belief underneath this serving is I have to be kind, and I'm not being kind. One of our clients was going through this, I was having a session with her on Friday, and um, she keeps saying, I just want to care for my mother, and her mother has um Alzheimer's. And it came out in this session that she didn't want to, because that's not like that's something we feel we should do. Nobody wants like I'm gonna say this, and this might feel really controversial. Does anybody really want to take care of their parent who has Alzheimer's? Like that is hard. You want them to be cared for, and you want to continue to like you continue to love them, but caring for a patient parent who has Alzheimer's is really, really hard. I can't I wouldn't wish that on anyone. No. So the point is that like in this, so we were doing a subconscious repatterning through um like a hypnosis kind of process, and that's what came out was like when you can speak directly to the subconscious, she was able to admit in our safe environment that she didn't actually really want to care for her mom. She wanted, she don't, she wanted to spend time with her and love her, but she didn't want to drive her around to her French lessons and her different things that she was doing. So that was a case of like being disconnected from what she actually wanted, uh like going back to the beginning. And the belief that was underneath it was I'm unkind if I'm not, if I don't want to do that. Like she felt horrible saying it. In fact, she started crying when she said it. So those are some of the subconscious patterns beliefs. There are a million of them you have to search through and search through your own. And we have processes for that on our retreats where you can dig into those subconscious patterns. I think this is kind of wrapping up, it's kind of summarizing exactly what we want you as our listener to know so that you can begin to create an extraordinary life. And the first thing is that it's not your fault that you're not already doing it. It's not your fault that you didn't even realize that you had dreams that you haven't realized. It's this is a cultural conditioning. It's patriarchal, it's cultural, it's societal ingrained messages that cause these subconscious beliefs that make us shut down our dreams as women. And it comes to a head, like you said, Jen, in midlife because we come to this point where we we want something more. Our hormones are shifting, and that creates the space for it. And it's just a matter of acknowledging okay, maybe I do want something more, and allowing yourself to have those thoughts and maybe even pursue them. Yeah. And once you do that, like that's the first step. Then you know it's it's actually possible to create an exceptional life. Without blowing up what you currently have. Yeah. I do hear that all the time. Like I I I actually like my life. I don't want to give it all up, but I want more. Yeah. And you can do that. It's possible to have more without dis even disrupting or blowing up what you already have. Yeah. And it's not a matter of getting more time to do those things. Yes, it's not. It's so it the the possibility comes when you shift the subconscious beliefs that we talked about earlier, Jen, right? So that's the first step is uncovering like why are you not even aware of what your dreams are? What's holding you back from pursuing those. But then the other piece is it's not necessarily about pursuing some big dream. Like maybe it's not, you know, you were talking earlier about your friend Jen who just wants to be a chef and has this other job and doesn't feel like she can. That might not even be the thing. But even if it is, like if that's what you're passionate about, that does feel like, oh, but I've got to leave my job and start this new thing. That is way too big. But it feels too daunting. But it's the micro changes that you make to your life that stack over time that then allow you to keep walking towards being a chef or doing whatever it is that you really want to do. It doesn't have to be like, oh, I've got to quit my job today and tomorrow I'm gonna start this business. No, it's like maybe I just maybe I just allow myself to cook more often. Or maybe I invite some people over and test out a new recipe on them. You know, it's it doesn't have to be such an overnight change. It's micro shifts. Yeah. Well, and then this in this case, we're talking about, we have a few retreats going on, and I'm talking, I'm um organizing one this summer here in Knive on the Lake. And we're talking about having her as a chef for our retreat. So she's still only cooking for 10 people, but she's starting to take a step towards her dream. Yes. That and that's exactly it. It's not, okay, I've left my job and I'm now gonna do this. It's like here's this opportunity. And when you put it out there, then those opportunities start to show up too, right? Like as soon as you start talking about, I really think I want to be a chef or I really would like to cook for other people. And then that gets put out to the universe, and then these opportunities show up. Oh, well, we have this retreat. Why don't you come cook for us? The universe starts orchestrating things that start to happen in the 3D world and those synchronicities start happening. And that's, you know what? I think that's if that was for me, the biggest takeaway from this is when you feel those synchronicities coming into play, like on the daily, you feel like you have an extraordinary life. Like when I remember, and you have to look for them. So like when I remember to watch for like what interesting synchronicities came up today, or what happened, what what little blessings came into my life, then I go, oh, I like I would never have noticed it before. And then I feel like I'm living an extraordinary life just because I have all these beautiful things coming towards me. And then I feel grateful without having to try to be grateful. Yes. Yes, exactly. Bringing back the gratitude. It's like a virtuous cycle. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a virtuous cycle. When you start to give yourself permission, when you start really, the first thing is to shift your subconscious beliefs and fears. And when you start doing that, you start to naturally give yourself permission to follow what you truly desire. And you start to be able to tap into your intuition to know what you truly desire. I think that's a good place to wrap. I think so too. Um so yeah, just to like take away um these are the things this is the process that we guide women through on our retreats. We have a retreat coming up later this year to Peru. We have some in the summer, some more local ones. There's various things. And this is what we do is we help take them from I am living. On autopilot, I'm living this ho-hum life, or I'm overfunctioning to the point that I don't even know what I want. My life is just so crazy busy. Two having clarity on what you want and having clarity on the direction you need to take in order to achieve an exceptional life. So if you are interested in retreating with us, there's going to be a link in the show notes for Peru. It's midlifewomenrising.com slash Peru. So you can go there if you if that piques your interest. And if you want to get started living an extraordinary life, we are hosting an experience. It's a jam-packed 30-minute experience that will get you started on living an extraordinary life, on getting out of autopilopilot and living an extraordinary life. So if you want to come to that 30-minute training, it is free. And there'll be a link in the show notes so that you can come sign up for one of those. Those are virtual, so anyone can come. Great.